


For you

by HelaHiddles



Category: Real Person Fiction, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Actor Tom Hiddleston, Character with depression, Depression, Emma Hiddleston - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Non-Canon Relationship, Original Character(s), POV Original Character, POV Tom Hiddleston, Self-Harm, hiddleston family - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-16
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-01 22:57:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 24,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5224202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelaHiddles/pseuds/HelaHiddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom is working hard, focusing on his growing career and the last thing he expects is finding love. Adam is new at the publishing company but working hard and putting all his focus on his new job, that is until he is introduced to Tom Hiddleston and can't get those blue eyes out of his mind. Bumping into each other again seems inevitable but will Tom's hiding and their hectic lives keep them apart or will they find that they are better off together? Follow their journey through obstacles and see if love really can conqeur all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chance meeting

**_Adam Collins_ **

Tom Hiddleston

* * *

 

_**Adam Collins was having a long week at the office. People were being demanding, expecting miracle work from him instead of help and expertise but he had quickly learned to deal with clients and making them feel like he did a much better job than just adding a few words to their scripts or books and deciding what deserved to see the light of day. Being a publisher meant meeting a ton of people who thought very highly of themselves. Thankfully Adam loved his job so it was worth it. The long days and never ending meetings were all worth it. He was happy where he was right now in life and he really wouldn't change anything.** _

**_When Adam got back to his office that Friday he kind of slumped into his desk chair and sighed heavily. People were so demanding and expected him to work much faster than even humanly possible. It was beyond him how he had ended up at a place like this considering how much he disliked crowds and being noticed.. now he was in the middle of London working at the biggest agency in the business and he was beginning to wonder how he had even gotten there._**

**_It wasn’t all bad though, he loved his job. He just didn’t necessarily love where he was doing it and sometimes who he was working for. But he was writing and reading for a living so he couldn’t be picky. Life was pretty good. Of course he had no idea life would soon take a turn for the better. Adam wasn't even aware it could get better right now.. He had no idea what was coming his way._**

**_“Adam. Get into my office.” That was his boss on the phone, demanding his attention. He sighed again quietly, going into her office before stopping dead in his tracks as he walked through the door. She seemed to finish up a meeting with a guy who was tall and handsome and.. oh God those eyes, he knew those eyes, he had seen those eyes before. He recognised people quite a lot, he was working at a huge office building with a lot of actors and agents, but these particular eyes he had seen before only on screen and they were even more beautiful in person._ **

**_“Adam. This is Tom, Tom this is Adam Collins.” She introduced them and he was amazed that his brain still worked when he smiled softly and shook the actor’s hand. He had amazing hands. Long fingers and a strong grip. He was very tall and lanky in general but he knew how to work it to his advantage. Adam was a bit dazed but he managed to greet Tom like a normal, calm, person._ **

**_“Nice to meet you.” He smiled lightly, looking up into those damn eyes that would stay in his mind for weeks to come after this. “You too. I have to run but I’ll see you around.” Tom smiled back at him and Adam was sure he would fall to the floor right then and there. How he managed to keep it together was beyond him. He watched Tom leave the room, staring after him until his boss Jessica snapped him back to reality with a small laugh. “Don’t even think about it cutie. He’s not playing for your team.” And that was it, his dream burst into a million pieces and he sighed again. Time to get back to reality and get back to work. Who needed tall, handsome, dreamy, blue eyed men anyways? Probably everybody._ **

 

If someone had told him just this morning that his life would change so rapidly he would have laughed in their face because his life was great and he wasn't even looking for someone. He was in his home town, filming a movie, enjoying being in London for the time being and working hard. He loved being busy, having many things to do at once. He was filming a new movie with amazing people, he was in pre-production for a new big movie coming up and he was starting a new secret project that only his agent knew about. It was all very exciting, life was good, and he didn't miss anything.. truly. Okay maybe sometimes, at night, he felt a bit lonely but that was easy to fix with a call to one of his friends.. He was fine.

Then he had a meeting with a publisher for his secret project and his life seemed to change in the blink of an eye as he met eyes with the most beautiful man he had seen in his entire life. They shook hands and Tom could only think one thing before hurrying out of there. Damn it..

Tom was staring out the window until someone literally snapped their fingers in front of his eyes and he blinked up at them, returning to the real world. “Tom, honestly, where is your head today?” Luke asked him in frustration and he had to smile a little. He was probably a nightmare to deal with today. “I’m sorry I just.. have something on my mind.” He shrugged lightly, sitting up straight at the table, leaning one elbow on the hard surface.

“Well can you focus for a second? I have an audition for you. Listen for five minutes and then you can go home and daydream all you want.” Luke teased him and he chuckled. He had no idea how right he was.. he seriously couldn’t focus. A pair of green eyes were dancing before his eyes and every time he closed his eyes he saw that sweet smile and those green eyes looking up at him. Damn it.. He had no plans of finding love anytime soon but he couldn’t stop thinking about Adam to save his life.. A man he had met for approximately 30 seconds a week ago and never seen again. What was wrong with him?

Luke finally finished the meeting with him, giving him the information about the role and everything he needed to prepare so he could finally head back to his flat and keep thinking about those green eyes that had haunted him for a week. Damn it.. he needed to call his sister and get her to talk some sense into him. This was crazy.

 

**_Even after the news of Tom’s preference he had not been able to stop thinking about the blue eyed man he had met at the office. Adam tried to shake it off but in the back of his mind he kept hoping that he would bump into Tom again one day. He had no idea how right he was.._ **

 

Tom was late, oh he was so late and he really hated being late. He had told Luke it was a bad idea to have several meetings in one day, meetings always ran late, but Luke had insisted it would be okay. Good thing it was Luke’s meeting he was late too, he would know it wasn’t Tom’s fault. He still felt stressed thought and rushed through the doors and practically running up the two stairs to the correct floor. He turned the corner towards Luke’s office and smacked right into someone walking down the hall, both of them ending up on the hard marble floor. The guy started apologizing and Tom thought that was adorable, it wasn’t his fault at all. He looked up to say that when their eyes met and he swallowed, forgetting everything else around him except those green eyes and that now very messy hair.

“No.. no it’s fine.” Tom finally managed to speak, feeling a bit dazed when the green eyed man helped him to his feet. His hand kept tingling after the contact was over and he felt warm all over. Damn it, Tom. Focus. “It really wasn’t your fault.. I was rushing and.. I’m sorry. Adam, right?” He said, trying to remain casual about it all but then Adam smiled that crooked, cheeky smile and he wanted to melt into the floor a little. Damn it.

“Yes. Hello again. Um.. maybe you should get to your meeting then. Since you were rushing.” The green eyed man said and reality came rushing back to him. Shit.. meeting. “Yeah I really should. Nice bumping into you again.. literally.” Tom grinned before rushing off to the meeting, finding a frowning Luke sitting in his office. “Sorry I’m late. My agent booked me up for 4 meetings today.” He smiled sweetly at his agent and thankfully Luke couldn’t help laughing a little, throwing a pillow at him. He really hoped Adam would work late so he could find him later. He wasn’t letting him go again, not without at least talking to him properly.

 


	2. Next step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Adam spend loads of time together and grow closer. Is the sneaking around going to work out in the long run?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters will get a bit longer with time but I wanted to update. This story means so much to me and is something very close to my heart. Adam is a character I've had in my heart for a long time and this pairing is much older than this story is. Hope you guys like it as much as I do. Enjoy!

Tom Hiddleston

_**Adam Collins** _

\-------------------------------------

Once the meeting with Luke was over it was dark outside and Tom had little hope that Adam was actually still in the building working. He could still hope though and he kept his eyes open as he walked down the hall, took the stairs down and walked through the lobby. Unfortunately he couldn’t find any green eyes looking at him with that crooked smile so he sighed lightly, pulled his coat closer around him and left the building. Had he been stupid to think Adam was interested? Maybe Adam wasn’t even gay but he thought he saw a flash of appreciation when those green eyes had looked him over. Was he fooling himself?

He was so lost in thought that when he turned the corner he smacked right into someone for the second time that day, less painfully this time. He looked up and started laughing lightly. “We have got to stop meeting like this."

**_Adam had left the office just minutes ago, deciding to walk home despite the dark, when he realised he had left his umbrella in his room and rain was already starting to drip slowly, a calm before the storm if he knew England well enough. He had gone back to the office, turning the corner, when someone smacked into him and he groaned, looking up with a frown that was quickly replaced with a smile. What were the odds of this?_ **

**_“Yeah my shoulder won’t survive any more of this.” He laughed softly, rubbing his shoulder lightly. Tom seemed to feel bad, taking it way more serious than Adam had intended and reached out to rub his shoulder lightly with a soft ‘sorry’ and Adam felt a shiver run through his body that had nothing to do with being cold. “It’s really fine.” He smiled softly but was disappointed when Tom pulled away and looked down at his shoes. Shy? That’s adorable. Then Tom looked up and asked him something he had never expected to leave the actor’s mouth._ **

**_“Maybe I can buy you coffee to make it up to you?”_ **

**_Adam was so stunned for a moment that he simply nodded but then a smile graced his face and he slung his bag over his shoulder. “I’d love to.” He smiled, figuring that he could survive some rain without his umbrella and deciding to just leave it and go with Tom. Tom was definitely worth getting his hair wet over._**

Tom was as surprised as Adam seemed at his own words, not usually the one to be so bold and forward but damn it he couldn’t stop thinking about this guy and he wanted to spend some time with him. Getting a coffee was perfectly innocent, right? Friends had coffee together. Yes, coffee it is. For a millisecond Tom worried that Adam would turn him down but he didn’t and it made the actor smile.

“Good. I know a place that’s a bit more discreet than Starbucks.” He smiled and was glad that Adam smiled back and seemed okay with that plan. Tom led the way to the coffee shop and they settled into a very comfortable conversation about books of all things. Of course Adam was a publisher so maybe it wasn't that strange that the man liked books. Tom learned that Adam had a wall completely covered in books, floor to ceiling, and Tom told Adam about his favourite book and how he had to get a new copy because he read it so much it had broken. It felt comfortable talking to this guy, sharing private information with practically a stranger. Oddly enough he felt as if he had known Adam for ages and once they started talking they couldn’t quite stop.

They reached the coffee house and ordered their drinks. Tom found it fascinating that Adam could drink a large black coffee in the evening and Adam gave him an odd smile when he ordered a tea with milk and honey. They got their drinks and sat down together and it felt completely comfortable. Tom really liked that, he hadn’t felt that with someone in years. 

**_Adam ordered his usual large coffee and when Tom ordered his tea he couldn’t hold back a smile. This guy was so cute and endearing and so very British. They sat down together in the back of the coffee house, their conversation never stopping except for sipping their drinks. It felt really nice to be able to talk about anything that came to mind and feeling this relaxed. He hadn’t been this relaxed in someone’s company in.. years._ **

**_After a while Tom’s phone went off and he saw tension returning to Tom’s shoulders and he checked the phone before looking around a bit and then texting someone back. Adam understood then why they had come to this dark, discreet coffee shop._ **

**_“Don’t wanna be seen?” He asked the actor and those blue eyes returned their attention to him, ‘where they belonged’ Adam thought. “I.. it’s not.” Tom started nervously but Adam just smiled and nudged his foot under the table. “It’s okay, relax. Just checking.. so I know how subtle we have to be.” He smiled, sliding his foot up higher and cheering on the inside when Tom actually smiled back at him and seemed to relax._ **

**_“Very subtle.” Tom told him and Adam grinned crookedly, a wicked glint in his eyes. “Exciting.” He whispered, dropping his foot to the floor and finishing his drink._ **

**_The next month was spent sneaking around with Tom and it was the best month in Adam’s life, at least that he could remember. They had lunch together when they were both at the office building and Tom actually told him why he had been there that day, they met for late night coffee in small hidden coffee shops, and they went for walks through the city, showing each other their favourite places in London. It was the best month and Adam had to admit to himself that he was falling hard for the actor._ **

Tom had never felt like this in his life. Sure, he was still hiding and they were sneaking around, but Adam was so understanding and so fun and easy to be around and Tom was having the best time. They spent almost every day together, if only just having lunch for an hour, and Tom knew he was falling for the publisher.. hard. He even told Adam about his secret project which some of his friends didn't even know about. There was just something about Adam that made Tom trust him so completely. His friends had started to notice something different about him, the way he had a cheesy smile on his face while texting someone and the way he held his head higher and smiled more. They had no idea why but they didn’t seem to complain, Tom just wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet.

A month had passed now and time spent away from Adam was practically torture. Sneaking around was exciting but he wanted to be able to fully relax with Adam for once so that Friday night he asked him to come to his place after work. They were both at the office building that day, Adam working and Tom having meetings about his secret project and a table read for a new movie. He could barely focus on anything that day, he just wanted it to be over so he could show Adam his place and cook him dinner. That was all he could think about with a stupid smile on his face.

He knew Adam got off at 4 and he felt bad when the table read ran over but once it was over and he went down to the lobby he found Adam leaning against a wall with a smile on his face. Tom was just glad that he wasn’t mad but those green eyes held a hint of mischief that made him a bit nervous.

“What are you up to?” He asked with a grin as he walked up to him and Adam held up two helmets. “If we’re going to your place then we’re taking my ride.” He said and Tom’s eyes widened. “We can just walk.. really, it’s fine.” Tom said nervously, hoping to persuade Adam out of this idea easily but he seemed determined to get his way.

“Nobody will see us with the helmets on and we can be more sneaky that way. Come on.” Adam grinned and Tom took the helmet nervously, swallowing hard. They went outside and Tom couldn’t help a smile when he saw the bike. It was really nice in black and silver and he could remember seeing it on the street here before and thinking who ever drove it must be crazy. Clearly he was right. He also felt a surge of adrenaline that he quite liked and he sighed in defeat. “Fine.. I trust you. Just be careful.” Adam grinned then, helping him on with the helmet. “Of course. I have precious cargo.” Adam grinned, making Tom laugh. Adam put on his helmet and jumped on the bike, motioning for Tom to sit behind him. Here we go..

**_He kind of liked how nervous Tom looked but that he still put on the helmet and got on the motorcycle with him. He really didn't have to, Adam would have caved sooner or later. It showed more trust than Adam could even put into words. When he felt Tom’s arms grips his waist he couldn’t hold back a smile, feeling slightly tingly all over. He really enjoyed that feeling whenever he was even slightly close to the actor._ **

**_From time to time Tom would shout directions in his ear and soon enough they were outside Tom’s apartment building and Adam parked the bike with a smile. He wanted to help Tom off with the helmet and give Tom a kiss but they had to be careful so he simply got off the bike himself and locked it, putting the helmets away. They walked inside the big door to the staircase and Adam smiled softly when Tom took his hand as the door closed. He was getting bolder and Adam really liked it. As they got into the elevator Adam took it one step further, pushing him against the wall and capturing his lips in a slow, sweet kiss._ **

**_It was the first time they had been alone together when not in public and Adam had been dying to kiss those lips for a month now. Nobody could blame him for seizing the opportunity now._**

Tom was surprised by the kiss but wasted no time kissing the dark haired man back, sliding his hands up along his neck and hair, breathing in sharply through his nose. God, it had been far too long and it felt ridiculously good. Sooner than either of them wanted they arrived at Tom’s floor and Tom cursed the fact that he did not live in a taller building. They pulled apart and left the elevator and for the first time in years Tom invited a guy into his flat.


	3. Sleeping together.. literally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening in at Tom's place makes the new couple take a step forward in their relationship as they grow closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Thanks for clicking this story and making it all the way to this chapter. I hope you guys like it. This is seriously my favourite ship and Adam isn't even a real person haha. Enjoy! Oh and sorry the chapter is so short, I really wanted to update it but hopefully the next chapter will be better and longer.

Tom Hiddleston

_**Adam Collins** _

\------------------------------------------------

The second they entered his apartment Tom felt butterflies going crazy inside his stomach. Was this crazy? But then he looked over into Adam’s eyes and he felt himself calm down considerably and his shoulders relaxing as he smiled. He took a deep breath, laughing a little. “Why do you make me so nervous?” He asked with a half-smile. He couldn’t quite explain what it did to his insides when Adam laughed and moved a bit closer, taking one of his hands. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.” He grinned, mischief shining in his eyes, clearly pleased by the idea of making Tom extremely nervous. Tom just breathed out a laugh, relaxing further and squeezing Adam’s hand. He wasn’t so much nervous around Adam as he was nervous about how much he liked him already.

“You want something to drink?” He asked with a smile before pulling away a bit and heading towards his kitchen. Adam seemed to follow, leaning against his kitchen counter with a soft smile. “Yeah sure.” He answered so Tom pulled out two cold bottles of beer for them and set them on the counter. Adam had found the bottle opener and opened them both and it made Tom surprisingly happy that Adam seemed very comfortable in his home.

They settled onto the couch, Tom turning on the TV but neither of them had any idea what they were actually watching as they started talking and moving closer together. Tom couldn’t believe how easy it was to talk to Adam and he quickly forgot his nerves.

**_Adam had never been this comfortable around anyone he had ever dated before. Sure he had boyfriends in the past and even girlfriends way back but nobody made him feel this relaxed and happy in their company. They just sat on the couch with some cold beer and the TV on but they spent the night talking and laughing and Adam had the best night ever. He really liked that Tom talked to him about his secret project that was moving forward, loving the idea of getting to work with Tom in the future. It felt really big that Tom would talk to him about it and trust that he didn't tell anyone about any of this. Trust seemed very important to Tom and Adam was more than happy to give the actor that trust because he would never do anything to hurt Tom.. ever._**

**_Time passed quickly and they seemed to move closer and closer like magnets unable to resist the pull towards the other. Adam loved the way Tom would stutter sometimes or the way his exhale would shake a little when their eye locked. He had never before made someone this nervous just by sitting close to them. It made him very happy. Adam stopped talking, moving his hand up to cup Tom’s cheek, stroking his cheekbone with a soft smile. This made Tom stop mid word and swallow, looking into his eyes._ **

**_“I love your eyes. You have no idea how they haunted me after meeting you." Adam smiled up at him, moving his hand down to his neck, his fingers feeling the soft curl of his hair. Tom seemed to bite back a smile at that before Adam felt two warm hands slide up around his neck._ **

Maybe it was the two beers but Tom was feeling very relaxed and kind of bold so when Adam cupped his cheek he moved a bit closer, sliding his hands up to rest against his neck, tugging lightly at his messy hair. “Right back atcha.” He smiled and he really meant it. He had always been a sucker for green eyes and Adam had the most gorgeous, dark green eyes. His words made Adam smile that crooked half grin that Tom loved so much and it made him chuckle lightly.

Before he could psyche himself out too much he leaned in for a kiss and Adam kissed him back right away. If they weren’t already sitting Tom would have gotten weak in the knees at the slow, surging kiss they shared. He wasn’t sure if they kissed for 2 seconds or an hour but when they pulled apart Tom let out a shaky breath and opened his eyes with a lazy smile.

Once they started it was hard to stop and Tom wrapped his arms around Adam and pulled him into a hard, deep kiss on the couch. He felt pleased when Adam hummed into the kiss and he loved tasting those lips he had been thinking about for the past month. He had wanted to kiss Adam every day for a month now and when they were finally alone together it was hard to pull away. Eventually Tom had to pull away though because the kiss was growing hot and heavy and he just.. needed a minute to think clearly.

**_The second Adam felt the other man pull away he sat up and removed his hands. He didn’t want to push this too far. He wasn’t sure how Tom felt about this whole thing. He opted for taking Tom’s hands with a soft smile, keeping quiet as Tom seemed to collect his thoughts as well as catch his breath. Their eyes met again finally but this time he saw nerves and anxiety in Tom’s eyes and he felt terrible so he smiled softly and moved one of his hands up and kissing his knuckles gently._ **

**_“It’s late. I should be heading home.” He spoke up with a light smile, unable to look away from those blue eyes that he had fallen so hopelessly for. Tom tilted his head in the most adorable way and it made Adam smile even more. The last thing Adam wanted to do right now was go home but he definitely didn't want to pressure Tom or make him uncomfortable._**

**_“I’m sorry. I just.. don’t want to move too fast.” Tom started to apologise but Adam shook his head, squeezing his hands gently. “Please don’t apologise for that. It’s fine, darling.” He smiled, moving into a quick kiss before standing up. He didn’t get far, however, before Tom pulled him back with a cute laugh, stealing another kiss._ **

“Thank you.. for not pushing. But.. you can stay, really.” He smiled softly at Adam, unable to wipe the stupid, silly grin from his face. He just couldn’t believe how amazing this guy was after so many relationships with girls and dates with guys who just wanted to get him into bed.. This was everything Tom had ever looked for and he wasn’t about to let Adam leave now.

“My bed is really big and, well, I kinda always wanted to share it with someone.” He confessed, looking down at their hands to hide his blush but Adam lifted his chin again to meet his eyes. They looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment before Adam nodded with a smile. They would sleep together tonight in the most innocent sense of the word and Tom was beyond happy about it.

He showed Adam his bedroom, loaned him a shirt to sleep in and soon enough they crawled into bed. Tom didn’t even feel nervous about it but easily pulled Adam closer and kissed him quickly on the lips. It took a while to settle down and try to go to sleep because they kept sharing smiles and kisses and started talking a bit. Time passed and it got very late before they thought that maybe they should actually get some sleep and settled into bed together.

**_Once neither of them could keep their eyes open they figured it was time to get some sleep. Adam easily pulled Tom into his arms, Tom’s back to his chest, and nuzzled his neck with a sleepy smile. This was perfection and Adam could definitely get used to this. It didn’t take long for them to finally drift off to sleep together and Adam slept better than he had in years that night, curled up with Tom on his big bed. This was better than any hot and steamy night with some guy he met the same night. This was what he wanted and he would choose this over anything else, hands down. Yes, Adam slept better than he had in years and he never wanted to sleep alone again._ **


	4. The best distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Tom have to spend the day apart but they can't stop thinking about each other. Not that either of them mind and they'll see each other soon enough again. Happiness seems imminent..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a fit of inspiration so I had to write something. Sorry for the long pause but I've been super busy with Vlogmas and school. Sorry! I haven't given up on this story though, I still love it. Enjoy! Oh and I'm really sorry the chapters are always so short.

Tom Hiddleston

_**Adam Collins** _

\------------------------------------------------

That morning Tom actually woke up late, which he never did, smiling softly to himself when he felt those strong, warm arms around him. He would never be okay with waking up alone again, this was heaven. The actor sighed softly and turned around to face the other man with a small smile.

“Morning.” He whispered and they shared a slow, lingering kiss. Then Tom’s phone rang with the far too familiar ringtone of his agent and he groaned, burying his face in Adam’s chest, making the other laugh softly. “Just answer it. Maybe it’s important.” Adam told him, his words making his chest vibrate slightly, like a cat purring. Tom sighed deeply and grabbed the phone, stealing a quick kiss before answering it, leaving the comfort of the warm bed and heading out into the kitchen.

**_Adam wanted to whine, loudly, when Tom’s phone rang.. but he understood, so instead he just smiled and told him to answer it. Now he was alone in the big bed and he no longer liked it at much as he did just a minute ago. Damn work and fame and warm beds. Adam slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, a goofy grin on his face. He managed to get out of bed now when the warmth had left and gone out into the kitchen so he looked out the window on the gorgeous day outside and stretched a bit. He was still just wearing boxers but he had never been very modest about his body. Tom finally returned and he felt two warm arms wrap around him from behind, a soft kiss on his neck that made Adam smile. Tom groaned and pulled back after a while, seeming just as annoyed by the interruption as Adam was._**

**_“I have to go, duty calls.. But you’re free to stay as long as you want. There’s coffee and breakfast and..” Tom was rambling adorably but Adam turned around, shutting him up with a soft kiss, shaking his head. “No it’s fine. I need to go as well. My cat has been alone for a long time.. Impromptu sleepover and all.” He grinned, not missing the softness to Tom’s eyes when he mentioned the animal at question and he was quite happy about that._ **

**_“Buuuuut..” Adam smiled, kissing the actor again and looking into his annoyingly blue eyes. “If you want to come over after you’re done with work I could make us dinner.. and by ‘make us dinner’ I mean ordering take-out.” He grinned, delighted at the short laugh leaving Tom’s lips. “That sounds perfect. Um.. Would you mind leaving first.. if we leave together people will talk and I’m just not ready and..” Tom was starting to ramble again so Adam kissed him mid sentence, a grin on his face, before pulling back and starting to get dressed. “It’s fine, darling. I’ll go. Just call me when you’re done and on your way.” He stopped in the middle of putting on his shoes, stealing another kiss and stroking Tom’s cheek. “No one will hear it from me.”_ **

**_Adam left the apartment building with a grin on his face. In his defence he tried very hard to keep it cool as he started walking down the street but inside he felt like skipping or something silly like that. How was it possible that he had only known Tom for a week when it felt like he had known the actor for years already? It just felt so natural and relaxed and he couldn’t wait to see Tom again tonight._ **

Tom stood and stared at the closed door with a smile for an embarrassingly long time before he kicked into gear again and got ready. He had a long day of studio-recording his voice for loud scenes in the movie as well as a quick interview with a couple of cast mates. He would be exhausted and the idea of spending the night at Adam’s place with take-out was a welcomed distraction during the day. A few people even asked him if something had happened because he couldn’t stop smiling.. if only they knew. He was just kind of terrified of telling anyone. He was pretty sure no one would really care but he still got a huge knot in his stomach when he thought about telling anyone so.. he didn’t. Only his immediate family knew since he was a teenager but he was very careful about telling people. Too careful? Okay he was getting nauseous again so he thought about Adam and he couldn’t wait to see him later.

He made the call quietly right before leaving he studio but right as he was about to walk out the door his manager grabbed his arm and pulled him aside. He didn’t look angry so Tom didn’t worry too much. “Hey Luke, what’s up?” He asked but Luke just laughed. “I was just gonna ask you the same thing. You’ve been practically giddy all day and smiling non stop.. Not that I’m complaining.” He chuckled. Tom just shrugged, finding it very hard to lie to Luke so he just kept quiet. “Fine, don’t tell me.. Whatever it is, don’t let it go.” He smiled and Tom smiled back happily. Oh he wasn’t planning to. He nodded at Luke to agree before leaving the studio and heading for his car with a smile. This was going to be a great night.

**_So Adam had come home to a whiny, needy cat and some uninteresting mail and suddenly his apartment felt very cold and lonely. He fed his little girl who thanked him by stroking along his legs before nipping at his toes. “Silly girl.” He sighed, scratching the cat’s head before heading off to the couch and sitting down, figuring he could get some reading and editing done today since he had the time and he needed the distraction._ **

**_Soon enough a small ginger cat demanded his attention and laid in his lap so he turned on the TV, unable to focus anyways. He stroked Nora’s soft fur with a sigh, smiling softly. “Tom is coming over tonight.. You’ll love him.” He mumbled softly and the cat meowed softly as if understanding. Life was pretty great after all, he wouldn't change this for anything._**


	5. Always on my mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Adam are growing closer and when spending the day apart they can't seem to get the other out of their mind. General cuteness and sappiness in this chapter. They're growing closer and enjoying each other's company and things seem perfect.

_**Adam Collins** _

Tom Hiddleston

\-------------------------------------

_**Adam was starting to doze off in front of the TV, a book in his lap, once the doorbell rang and the cat flew from his lap and under the table. Adam chuckled lightly, stretching his arms and heading for the door before remembering exactly what the doorbell meant and he couldn’t help smiling brightly. Why was he such a cheesy sap? He was just really excited and happy and it had been years since he felt like this about anyone. His hair was messy and his jeans had ginger cat hair all over them but he opened the door with a soft smile, meeting those blue eyes and everything felt right again. His apartment was suddenly warm and homey with the presence of the other man and Adam happily invited him in.** _

_**“Come in. I got all my take-out menus out, I have ice cold beer and a massive selection of movies.” He grinned. He could tell how tired Tom was and he was so happy that the actor hadn’t cancelled on him. They could have a lazy evening and if Tom ended up staying over he really wouldn’t mind.** _

_**“That sounds perfect.” Tom smiled, kissing his cheek, and Adam had to fight himself so he wouldn’t blush like a teenaged girl, biting back a huge smile. He took Tom’s hand and led him inside, sitting down on the couch and picking up the phone. “What are you in the mood for?” Adam asked with a smile, still holding Tom’s hand absentmindedly from when he had led him over to the couch. He really liked it, but when Tom started looking through the menus he let his hand go with a sheepish smile, which made Tom chuckle before looking through the menus properly.** _

_**“Take your time, I’ll get us some beers.” He smiled, heading out into the kitchen. Once he opened the fridge he heard the cat come out from her hiding place and tripping over to the fridge. “Nothing for you, you spoiled brat.” He grinned, grabbing two cold bottles of beer and heading back to the couch in the livingroom, this time followed by the small cat. She meowed in complaint and jumped up on the couch to sniff the beer but flinched back when Adam opened them. Then she got busy sniffing around Tom. Normally Adam would push her away but he kind of wanted to see what Tom would do. The smile and the bright eyes was the cutest thing Adam had seen in his life as Tom stroked the small cat and scratched her chin.** _

_**“Sorry. She has so sense of personal space.” He grinned and Tom laughed again, that low, small laugh that was going to drive Adam crazy. He found himself saying and doing stuff just to get Tom to do it again. It was Adam’s favourite sound.** _

_**“It’s fine. I love animals. No time for any of my own but I do love them.” Tom grinned, a softness to his eyes that spoke volumes. Tom showed his emotions clearly on his face, his eyes conveying everything he felt. It was amazing to Adam.. To see someone so open and obvious with his emotions, not hiding anything.. maybe not able to hide anything. It was endearing and kind of heartbreaking at once. Adam adored it.** _

_**“She loves you too, it seems. She’s very social but usually not this calm and content with strangers.” Adam smiled, his eyes glued on Tom as Tom’s eyes were glued on the small cat who had now curled up in his lap. “Her name’s Nora by the way. I’m a total dork and she means a lot to me and I know it’s silly but..” He was interrupted by Tom’s hand on his shoulder and that small laugh leaving his lips again.** _

_**“I get it, don’t worry. She’s precious.” Tom grinned and Adam was pretty sure he actually melted on the spot from the look on Tom’s face and the softness to his voice. Adam smiled softly and leaned over to steal a soft, slow kiss from the actor before leaning back and picking up his phone.** _

_**“Let’s order some food.” He smiled. That’s exactly what they did once deciding on all the stuff to get and waiting over and hour for it to arrive. The night was spent eating, drinking a few beers and snuggling with the cat while watching two and a half movie. The last half of the third movie might have been spent making out and snoozing a little before heading to bed. Tom practically had to pull Adam off the couch while they laughed together and it all felt oddly natural and lovely and Adam could definitely get used to this.** _

_**“Are you really staying?” He asked Tom who just smiled and pulled Adam into his arms and kissed his neck. They walked close together to the bedroom, almost stumbling a couple of times, and closed the door. This left them in a dark room except for one small light in the window but neither of them minded as they started kissing deeply, arms wrapped around each other. Adam felt his entire body tingling and he felt as if he was floating a bit as they kissed for a while. It could have been 2 minutes; it could have been two hours... Adam wasn’t sure. There was a sense of contentment and calm in the room as they both undressed quietly and crawled into bed.** _

_**Tom looked suddenly nervous, biting his lip and opening his mouth as if to say something but Adam just pulled him into his arms and sighed deeply, relaxing into the familiar bed which suddenly felt much more comfortable and warm. “Let’s just sleep.” He whispered and Tom seemed to relax, curling into his side and he felt a soft kiss pressed to his chest. “Thanks for a perfect night. Just what I needed.” The actor whispered and it made Adam smile and pull him closer. “Anytime. Goodnight, Tom.” He kissed the top of Tom’s head before closing his eyes and relaxing again. “Goodnight, Adam.” He heard a soft whisper before sleep took him quickly and he slept soundly that whole night.** _

_**Adam had never been a very sound sleeper. It took him ages to fall asleep and he always woke up several times during the night. His mind was usually racing with ideas and scenarios and his body was restless and itchy. Now, after two nights together with Tom, he had slept better than he had in years. It was all because of Tom, really. Tom had a way of silencing the chaos in his head and it was blissful.** _

_**The next morning Adam woke up from the sound of a phone ringing loudly and he groaned. The room was still dark, it couldn’t possibly be a reasonable time to get up.. right? Tom rolled over with a sigh, clearing his throat before answering the phone. Adam crawled closer and buried his head in Tom’s neck, listening to Tom on the phone. A small part of him wanted to kiss down Tom's chest as he spoke on the phone, just to see what he would do, but he figured he could do that some other time. This sounded important.**_

_**“Yeah – No, I know. It’s still early – Yes - Yes, of course. – No I understand. – Yes – On my way.” Then Tom hung up the phone and Adam groaned, snaking his arms around Tom’s warm body and nuzzling his neck. This made Tom chuckle lightly and stroke Adam’s dark hair gently a few times.** _

_**“I really have to leave. I’m sorry. Duty calls.” He explained but he kept stroking Adam’s hair and only moved once Adam sighed lightly and pulled away. He really didn’t want Tom to leave.. ever.. but especially not this early in the morning. Tom got dressed and gathered his things while Adam sat in bed and pouted, which at least earned him a lingering kiss.** _

_**“Will you call me later?” Adam asked with a sheepish smile, feeling a bit needy, but Tom just smiled and kissed him again, pressing their foreheads together. “Definitely.” They kissed again and then Tom was leaving the bedroom and getting his jacket and shoes off. Adam dragged himself out of bed and stole another kiss before Tom left his apartment and he sighed lightly, leaning against the closed door. He was in so deep already and he didn’t even care.** _

_**Adam couldn’t go back to sleep so he fed the cat, cleaned the litterbox, showered and got dressed for the day and then played with the cat for a while so she’d be tired while he was at work. It would be a slow day but hopefully Tom was a fan of random texting and all that because Adam wasn’t sure if he could wait all day before talking to Tom. No, actually, he was certain he could not wait.** _

 

Tom was on set within 20 minutes, glad that Adam actually lived closer than he did himself. Not that anyone questioned it or the fact that he wore the same clothes as the ones he left in the day before. He wore similar enough clothes every day anyways. The only thing that was strange with him was the stupid smile that wouldn’t leave his face between takes.

At around 9 the first text pinged on his phone and it made him smile brightly. It was Adam and that fact was enough to make him grin as he quickly replied to the text. The entire cast and crew was having breakfast and Tom was glued to his phone as he slowly chewed on some toast and a plate of fruit. He would type, wait, smile and then type again as he texted with Adam. Then it was time to work again and Tom left his phone on silent in his jacket before getting back into character.

This movie would have a lot of bloopers but he just couldn’t help it. He was happy, damn it, but he was also a professional and he took his work very seriously so he managed to get through quite a few scenes once he got into it. Between takes he was joking around with his fellow actors and having a good day in general. Finally it was time for lunch and Tom practically dove after his phone, reading the texts he had gotten while filming. He missed Adam already and couldn’t wait to see him later.

The day passed eventually and once he was finally done and ready to leave the set the sun was going down over the London skyline and Tom was quite tired. But just thinking of seeing Adam made him smile and feel less tired as he jumped into his car and drove over to Adam’s place. It was closer and it made more sense, Tom had no one waiting at home or any responsibility besides himself so he really didn’t mind going to Adam’s flat. He drove there, parked, and practically skipped up the stairs to ring the doorbell. They were planning on ordering take-out but the second Adam opened the door with a cute smile and a flat smelling like food Tom knew it had been a trick and it made him smile.

“You’re cooking? You really didn’t have to.” He said but his big smile was giving away his utter happiness at the prospect of a home cooked meal. They shared a quick kiss before Adam returned to the kitchen and Tom picked up the small ginger cat with a smile. "Let's go see if we can steal a treat." He cooed to the cat with a grin before heading into the kitchen. The look on Adam's face was enough to melt his heart and he sat and snuggled the cat as Adam cooked, chatting away about the day and smiling way more than he had in years. He could definitely get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and don't be shy to tell me what you thought, good or bad. This was kinda sappy and sweet but knowing me angst will come in later chapters. Right now they're just happy and enjoying each other. We'll see how it develops. Oh and sorry this chapter was mostly Adam's POV. Sometimes I'll do that since he's a character nobody knows anything about.
> 
> EXTRA MATERIAL:
> 
> Tom and Adam texting during the day. It was too cute not to make ^^
> 
> http://hellanilla.tumblr.com/post/141220227977/extra-material-for-a-story-couldnt-resist-making


	6. Taking that step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some issues are starting to arise for the couple but it's nothing they can't handle. After an unforgettable night with Tom, Adam is sure he's falling in love with the actor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Smut at the end of this chapter. Not very graphic but it's there and for me it was important to add for their relationship developing and also I just had to get that out of my system because damn ^^

_**Adam Collins** _

Tom Hiddleston

\---------------------------------------------

**_Tom was starting to spend more and more time at Adam’s apartment and the dark haired man was ridiculously happy about that. Tom was filming close to his building and it just made more sense for Tom to come to his place at the end of the day. Adam most definitely was not complaining. Another day was over and Adam made his way home to his cat and started preparing a late dinner for the two of them, something that had become almost a routine by now and Adam was shocked at how okay he was with that._ **

**_Adam made a chicken in the oven, preparing Tom’s favourite veggies and sides for it, making sure that it was on a slow cook and would take long so Tom could make it there and they could have their late dinner. Later when the phone rang he hadn’t expected Tom to sound to apologetic and sorry. Adam answered with a smile which quickly faded and he bit his tongue, trying to keep his cool._ **

**_“Yeah, of course I understand. It’s not your fault, Tom. It’s work, I get it.” He told the actor with a sad smile, feeling the disappointment tugging at his heart. “Yeah of course.. Yeah you’re right, it’ll be late. Just.. call me tomorrow, okay?” They said a quick goodbye and hung up and Adam dropped the phone with a slow sigh, a solemn look on his face. Damn it. He knew he had no right to be upset or angry but he was upset. He had been looking forward to their dinner all day now and he realized then how very dependant he had gotten to these nights with Tom._ **

**_Adam let the food finish, figuring he could eat it himself and bring it to work tomorrow but his mood was low now and he wasn’t exactly excited about dinner. He fed the cat some chicken, ate some of the food before putting it away and slumping down onto the couch with a beer._ **

**_Was he crazy? Was this a terrible idea? He knew it was just one night but he really didn’t like being cancelled on on short notice and he worried now that maybe it would happen a lot. Adam felt a knot in his stomach and he wasn’t sure what he could do about it. He really really liked Tom but maybe this wouldn’t work for him._ **

**_No.. he couldn’t think like that. It was one night. Adam finished his beer, gave his cat some more chicken, and got some work done before making it an early night and heading off to bed. The big bed felt strange now, like it had gotten used to Tom taking up space and it now felt colder and bigger than it used to._ **

 

Tom felt terrible cancelling on Adam. He said it was fine but he could hear on the other’s voice that he was upset and Tom really didn’t like that one bit. Yes, work was important, but he could have called earlier to give a heads up. He wasn’t used to having plans to cancel at all so this was so new to the actor.. Which resulted in him screwing up and he felt horrible. He worked the rest of the night, trying to put it out of his head, but he had a plan.

When Tom was done with the night shoots it was way past 1am and the actor was exhausted. He actually couldn’t wait to go home and sleep but first he made a quick call to a 24/7 florist (London had everything) and made sure a few red roses would be outside of Adam’s door in the morning. After that he sent a quick text to Adam, hoping he kept the sound off at night so he would see it in the morning, and then Tom went home and fell into bed. He was exhausted but it still took him a few minutes to fall asleep. He hadn’t slept alone in over a week now and he didn’t like it at all. At least now Adam would wake up to some surprises and he hoped he wouldn’t be too upset. That was all Tom could think before he fell asleep, missing that warm body next to him.

 

**_Adam woke up that morning by his alarmclock and a smile immediately graced his face when he saw the text message from Tom. It was just a quick apology and letting Adam know he was on his way home and was missing him.. But it was enough to start Adam’s day with a sappy grin as he rolled out of bed and got dressed. He had a pretty standard morning routine that didn’t take much time. Feed the cat, change water, make coffee, get dressed and gather papers to get ready to leave. Half an hour and Adam was out the door, almost stepping on something right outside the door which made him grin happily as he lifted the roses up and smelling them. Oh Tom, you sappy dork. Adam loved them and ran inside to put them in water quickly, putting them on a high shelf, before leaving his apartment and heading to work._ **

**_When Adam was finally at his office, sitting at his desk, he texted Tom back quickly before starting his work. Adam was usually quite busy talking to authors and giving notes on books and planning the publishing process, but sometimes he had slow days like today where he could stare at his phone like a lovesick puppy and kick himself mentally before going back to work._ **

**_At Lunch Tom finally called and just seeing his name on his phone made Adam smile and he realized he wasn’t mad at Tom at all about last night. Of course not._ **

**_“Morning.” He answered with a smile and he heard a sleepy, lazy laugh on the other end. He suspected Tom was still in bed, maybe just woken up._ **

****

“Morning, sexy.” Tom grinned, his voice a bit rough from sleeping and not being used.

 

**_Hearing that voice was enough to make Adam shiver, smiling softly. “Did you just wake up?”_ **

 

“Maybe.” Tom chuckled lightly, pulling himself up into a sitting position, smiling sleepily. He just really liked hearing Adam’s voice. “How was your night?” He asked carefully, not sure how Adam would react.

 

**_Adam smiled softly before biting his lip at the question. “Lonely.. boring.. But my morning was great.” He grinned, reveling in the sound of Tom’s soft laugh._ **

 

“I’m glad.. and I really am sorry for last night.” Tom told him earnestly, gripping the phone as he rubbed his eyes, wishing Adam could be there with him.

 

**_“I know.. It’s honestly okay. I was a bit upset but only because I really wanted to see you. See you’re kinda great and when I can’t see you it makes me want to see you even more.” He smiled softly, hoping Tom would understand that he was only half kidding._ **

 

Tom bit his lip, feeling his heart flutter a little at that. He knew Adam was teasing him but he also knew that he meant it despite the teasing tone. “I really wanted to see you too. I really missed you last night. Let me make it up to you.” He grinned, laying back down on the bed, one arm resting behind his head.

 

**_Adam grinned, leaning back in his chair. “Okay.. fine. But it better be good.” He chuckled lightly. They spent another hour on the phone just talking about how Tom was gonna seriously make it up to him before switching to Tom’s work and Adam’s work. Before hanging up they had planned to meet up the second Adam got off work. Tom said he would pick him up outside the office building 5 minutes after he got off work, it being Tom’s weekend off, and they could get take out before going to Adam’s place. Of course they couldn’t have dinner at a restaurant together so a date night was out of the question but Adam really didn’t mind having Tom to himself._ **

****

The second they hung up, Tom was out of bed and into the shower. Not that he was in any hurry but he showered for quite a long time before stepping out, picking out what to wear. Then Tom also packed a small overnight bag. If Adam was okay with it Tom really wouldn’t mind staying the weekend now that they both had time off to spend together and just enjoy each other’s company.

Tom cleaned a little to pass the time before reading until he had to leave. Usually he loved days off but right now time was dragging by and he just wanted it to be 5pm already. When the time had finally arrived he practically skipped outside and jumped into his car, driving over to the office building and waiting outside for Adam. When he saw the dark haired man leave the building and heading for his car he couldn’t help a smile from playing on his lips. Damn it, he had it so bad. Adam had changed everything for him.

When Adam jumped into his car he smiled brightly, pulling Adam into a slow kiss before starting the car and speeding off. Adam looked a bit dazed for a second, a sappy smile on his face. Tom was glad his car was automatic because he really wanted to take Adam’s hand as they drove to a Chinese place close by. Adam wanted to come with him to order the food and suddenly Tom kind of freaked out at that. He kissed Adam swiftly, making up a quick excuse for why that was unnecessary, and then hopped out of the car and walked inside. Crap.. had that been mean?

He ordered what he knew Adam liked as well as a few other dishes incase he was in the mood for something else. Food was done quickly and he jumped back into the car with the delicious smelling food, stealing another kiss from Adam who didn’t seem upset so he figured it was okay.. he hoped it was okay. They drove back to Adam’s apartment after that and Tom really loved being back. It was just one night but he had really missed it.

 

**_Once safely back at his apartment Tom seemed to relax again and Adam was very glad that it all felt good still. They jumped onto the big sofa with the food and Adam opted on opening a bottle of red wine for them with dinner. This time the TV didn’t even get turned on for dinner. Instead they just sat close together and talked about everything that came to mind as they ate and shared that bottle of wine. They talked and laughed and Adam showed Tom the few tricks he had taught his cat. They had a great night and Adam was definitely feeling in a way better mood._ **

**_Adam finished his glas of wine before grabbing Tom’s shirt and pulling him into a deep kiss. It was half the wine and half the fact that he had missed Tom and just really wanted to kiss him. “You definitely made it up to me.” He grinned before pressing their lips together again and Tom was quick to respond to the kiss, moving closer to Adam on the couch._ **

**_They had definitely kissed before. Hours and hours had been spent making out.. but it felt different now. The kiss was deep and passionate and quickly grew heated. Adam moved closer, moving his leg over so he could straddle Tom’s lap as they kissed harshly. The room was warm, Adam felt warm all over, and Tom felt way too good beneath him. Adam knew what he wanted but he pulled back, breathing hard as he looked into Tom’s blue eyes, needing some kind of confirmation that Tom felt the same. Those damn blue eyes were going to be the death of him._ **

**_“Do you.. want me to stop?” Adam asked, kind of out of breath. He honestly had no idea how in the closet Tom was. But Tom just grinned at him with a predatory glint in his eyes that made Adam tingle all over. Tom just gripped his neck and pulled him back into a deep kiss. That was all Adam needed to know as he wrapped his arms around Tom’s neck and arched his back to get them closer together._ **

**_Somehow they made it into the bedroom, their clothes being tossed like a trail from the couch to the bed and they fell back on the mattress in a mess of tangled limbs and sweaty skin. Adam moaned out when Tom took control, pushing him into the mattress and trailing kisses down his body. Moans filled the room when Tom was exactly where Adam wanted him but thankfully not for long because Adam wanted more.. needed more._ **

**_“Tom..”He moaned out, squirming against the cool sheets._ **

**_Tom was definitely not shy in the bedroom and it drove Adam crazy. He loved that Tom took control and knew exactly what to do to make him cry out his name and squirm on the bed with need. Tom was quick to find his sensitive areas as he prepared him with talented fingers, Adam practically sobbing with the pleasure of it all. Then they joined with a long moan, gripping at each other as they moved together. Tom giving and taking at the right moments and Adam arching up and pulling back in a perfect rhythm. Their bodies moved together perfectly, covered in a sheen of sweat and the bedroom was filled with moans and cries of each other’s names along with some cuss words thrown in._ **

**_Finally Tom hit that perfect spot inside of him and Adam cried out his name, seeing white light as he came hard. Tom cried out as well moving and grinding until they both collapsed on the bed tangled together in a sweaty mess in the dark bedroom. Tom rolled them over to the side, pulling Adam close in a slow, deep kiss, both of them breathing hard and gripping onto the other with a deep need to be close._ **

**_Adam had had sex before plenty of times.. this was more of a religious experience to him. It almost made him want to cry because it had never felt like that before. Adam just felt overwhelmed as he curled up with Tom, planting soft kisses along his neck and shoulder. There was no need for words, they both felt it.. that connection. He felt Tom’s long fingers running along his back slowly and Adam sighed lightly, a lazy smile on his face. All his life Adam had had sex, tonight he had made love to Tom._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading and don't be shy to let me knew what you think and if something was bad. I've never posted smut to AO3 before so I'm slightly nervous and I hope it was okay. I wanted it to be tasteful and still hot ^^


	7. Relationship?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Adam get into a nice routine together but problems and worries are nagging at the back of both their heads. Is Tom's life too busy for a relationship? Will Tom hiding his true self stand in the way of them being happy? Is Adam hiding something?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it took me this long to update. I have been writing and re-writing this chapter for ages. So sorry. I hope it's okay. I try to update as much as possible but the mind of a writer is very unpredictable and sometimes it's impossible to write.

Tom Hiddleston

_**Adam Collins** _

\--------------------------

The next morning Tom woke up slowly, blinking his eyes open in the morning light and unable to hold back a sleepy smile from tugging at the corners of his mouth. He moved closer to Adam, nuzzling his neck and kissing the warm skin softly. Adam groaned and hid his face against Tom’s chest, making the actor laugh softly and lifting his hand to run his fingers through Adam’s dark hair. Adam definitely wasn’t a morning person but Tom quite liked the morning so he pulled back with a smile, lightly tracing his fingers along Adam’s arms and chest. Adam finally sighed and opened his eyes, making Tom smile happily. “Morning, gorgeous.” Tom smiled and it made Adam laugh that small laugh that he loved so much. “It’s early. Let’s stay in bed.” Adam demanded grumpily, pulling Tom close and nuzzling his neck. He really couldn’t complain about that.

The morning was indeed spent in bed, curled close together and they kissed and talked and drew patterns on each other’s skin. The kisses soon grew heated and Tom was suddenly very aware of the fact that they were naked and memories of last night flashed through his mind as Adam flipped them over and pinned him down on the bed. Yeah, okay, so he was definitely in the mood now. Adam was looking practically sinful with his messy hair and dark, hooded eyes, hovering over him.

Last night had been slow and heated, like the glowing fire of coals. The morning was more like fireworks as they collided with hot kisses and Adam moving in fast thrusts over him. It was enough to make Tom cry out the other’s name, practically blacking out for a second when they came together in a massive explosion. Yeah, Tom definitely loved mornings.

They collapsed on the bed side by side, panting for air and smiling as they moved close together, resting their heads together as they caught their breaths. Once their breathing had calmed and their heartrates were back to normal Tom chuckled lightly, pulling Adam close and kissing him. “You’re amazing.” He sighed with a grin and they stayed in bed together until Tom had to pee so badly he thought he might die and Adam was starving. It was time to start the day and get back to reality. For once Tom wasn’t looking forward to work, but only because he couldn’t talk to anyone about this amazing guy that he was definitely falling for.. hard. Hiding who he really was had never been this hard for him, never in the past had he met someone he wanted to tell people about. Hiding had always felt like the best solution in his life but now he wasn’t so sure.

 

**_Adam poked Tom’s side playfully when he seemed to disappear into his own head a little, something that had started to become a habit when the actor let his mind drift for a while. He smiled when their eyes met again, running his fingers through Tom’s curls. “What’s on your mind?” He asked but Tom just smiled back and kissed him deeply. Adam kissed him back, of course, but he knew Tom was just distracting him. He figured Tom would talk to him when he needed to or was ready to._ **

**_Soon enough they had to return to reality, both of them crawling out of bed with a suffering sigh, getting something to eat. Nora was brushing their legs, hoping for something to be dropped, but the cat was out of luck as they had their lunch together without spilling anything. He did however see Tom sneak some ham to the small cat. Nora was going to love this one. Adam had to bite back a smile, playing footsies under the table as they ate. Tom had work in the evening, shooting some night scenes, but Adam was off so he would just be home, probably working anyways. The ultimate evening would be joining Tom on set but that would never happen.. not for a long time anyways. Adam understood though, he really did. At least he was able to send Tom off with a full stomach and a good mood as they shared a lingering, deep kiss at the door before Tom snuck out. Then Adam was left alone and he slumped down into the couch with a sigh, the cat jumping up into his lap. He missed Tom already, it was ridiculous._ **

****

Leaving for work was terrible for one reason only. Being away from Adam actually felt like missing something important. Like that feeling when you leave your phone somewhere only constantly and there was nothing you could do to fix it. He really did not like it.

He arrived at set and stepped into the professional and upbeat guy he was in his work life, trying to shake off the feeling of not having Tom there. When they both worked it was different but when he knew Adam was just at home not being busy it felt oddly terrible. If he wasn’t hiding then Adam could be there, meeting his friends and his agent and the people he worked with. Thankfully Adam was a big fan of texting and they spent all afternoon and night texting back and forth and making each other smile. Texting was important to Tom. He worked so much and sometimes had strange hours and it was very important to him to be able to communicate and actually keep a conversation going. Adam had proven good at that since day one. He couldn’t believe almost 5 weeks had passed since that first time they literally bumped into each other.

“Tom!” Someone shouted, snapping him back to reality and he put his phone away in his jacket pocket, getting up from his chair. Time to get some scenes done and get back to work so he shook off the thoughts of his relationship for now. Oh my God.. relationship.

Tom finished filming in the early hours of the morning, heading back home in a taxi with drooping eyes. He sent a quick text to Adam, not expecting an answer but he got one which made him smile sleepily down at his phone like the biggest dork. “Hey. Change of plans, buddy. Head over to Greenwich.” He smiled before giving him Adam’s address. He really didn’t think the taxi driver would care but he really hoped he wouldn’t tell anyone. Anyone could live there really but an observant person might figure it out. He was too tired to worry about that now.

He dragged himself up the flight of stairs to Adam’s apartment, knocking on the door lightly. Adam opened with a small smile, hair wet and just a pair of sweatpants hanging from his hips, one foot stopping a fluffy cat from escaping through the open door. Not fair, he didn’t look tired at all.

“Hey, darling.” Adam smiled, pulling him inside, and Tom realized he had been staring and just standing in the doorway. He was too tired to even function right now.

“Thanks for letting me come over. I just.. wasn’t looking forward to sleeping on my own.” He shrugged, smiling as his eyes drifted closed. He forced them open which made Adam laugh softly and turn off some lights, pulling the actor along to the bedroom.

“You need to sleep. Come on.” Adam pulled him along and Tom just gave in then, letting Adam undress him and lead him to the bed as he yawned and rubbed his eyes like a child. He heard Adam mumbled something and he felt fingers in his hair that made him sigh contently. He was pushed onto the bed and Adam soon joined him, pulling him close and he felt a kiss to his forehead. He had completely given up on keeping his eyes open as he sighed softly and nuzzled Adam’s neck, curling in close to his side.

“I really like you.” He mumbled as he drifted off, asleep in record time, comfortable and content in Adam’s arms.

 

**_Adam pulled Tom close with a smile, stroking his sandy curls and kissing his forehead. “Get some sleep now.” He practically cooed. Tom was already fast asleep before Adam had said the whole sentence, breathing heavily but still holding Adam tightly. The dark haired man smiled softly, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead to Tom’s head, running his fingers down his back._ **

**_“I really like you too.” He whispered back before drifting off to sleep as well, Tom in his arms and a cat by his feet. He felt completely content and happy and slept so well now with Tom in his arms. Damn it, Adam was sure he was feeling a lot more than ‘like’ for the actor but he was terrified to say anything.. at least not yet. They slept together on the large bed, curled up together in a deep sleep, never wanting to let go of each other again. This was how it was supposed to be, better together than apart._ **


	8. I love you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has to travel for work and they both realize how much they care for the other. Could it even be love? But their happiness is shortlived. What is going on with Adam??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I made you all wait so long before the last chapter (way too long, I really am sorry) here's another one already! A little treat from me to you. Hope you guys like it and don't be shy to let me know what you think. This chapter was a bit more angsty and I'm sure you'll notice I added some tags to the story. You guys are the best and your comments make my day everytime I get one. Enjoy this chapter! Take care xx

**_Adam Collins_ **

Tom Hiddleston

**_\----------------------------------_ **

**_Adam woke up early the next day, figuring Tom would sleep late after a night like that, sneaking out of bed and heading into the kitchen. He avoided the creaky bits of floor in the kitchen and got his pills from the top of the cabinet, swallowing them down with some juice. Adam sighed deeply, leaning against the counter in the kitchen in just his boxers, running a hand through his hair. He knew he should tell Tom or at least not sneak around but he was terrified.. terrified what Tom would think of him._ **

**_After a while he went back into the bedroom, crawling into bed and smiling when Tom wrapped his arms around him and pulling him closer. Even in his sleep Tom wanted him near and he wanted to believe that nothing would change that. Adam managed to go back to sleep, not having to go into work on a Sunday so curling up and sleeping some more with Tom felt like the best way to spend his Sunday._ **

Tom woke up slowly, the sun warming his body as he yawned and stretched out on the big bed. He realized he wasn’t in his own bed and smiled brightly, pulling the other warm body closer to him and nuzzling his neck. He could definitely get used to waking up like this. Then he remembered it was Sunday and he had nothing to do today so he grinned against the warm skin of Adam’s neck, biting softly and revelling in the tiny moan escaping the other’s lips. Perfect morning indeed.

It was true what they said. As a couple now the two men couldn't seem to get enough of each other. The next couple of weeks was spent at Adam's place because Tom couldn't bare going home and not being around Adam. They would meet at Adam's office and find a dark corner to make out in, they would sneak Adam onto set so they could nap together in Tom's trailer. Being apart was just unthinkable and Tom was the happiest he had ever been in his life. He was even starting to feel like maybe he was ready to tell some people about Adam. Tom was happy damn it and Adam deserved better than sneaking around like he was some dirty secret. Maybe it would all be okay.

Then Tom had an award show in the states and was forced to travel and reality hit them both hard. The night before leaving Adam was at Tom’s place for once and they were curled up on the couch, watching a movie but actually they were just having the movie on for the excuse to snuggle on the couch, Adam playing with Tom’s long fingers. Tom felt very upset about the idea of leaving Adam for an entire week but it was important.

“You could come with me.” Tom mumbled softly, saying the same thing he’s said now for a week but Adam shook his head lightly, looking up and Tom looked down into those green eyes fondly, stroking some black hair from Adam’s forehead.

“People would ask too many questions. They’d figure it out.” Adam answered, the same thing he had answered all week and Tom knew he was right. Adam also had a job he couldn’t just leave and return to as he saw fit but that was a different issue. If Tom wasn’t hiding then he was sure they could figure it out but.. He just wasn’t ready yet. Would he ever be ready? He really hoped he would but thinking about it now it terrified him.

“I know you’re right.. It’s just a week, we’ll talk everyday.” Tom assured both of them before pulling Adam up into a soft, loving kiss, wrapping his arms around the other man tightly. He just wanted to keep Adam close for as long as he could, until he had to leave early in the morning.

**_They didn’t sleep that night at all, staying on the couch for hours talking about anything they could think of to make the other smile. They kissed a lot, staying close and trying to memorize everything about the other. When they finally went to bed they made love and it was slow and emotional and Adam had never felt so connected to another person before, practically sobbing when they came together. Then it was time for Tom to leave for the airport but he gave Adam the extra key, telling him to hang out for a while if he wanted to and that he could use it whenever he wanted to.. even after Tom came back. It was a sweet gesture and Adam pulled Tom into a tight hug and kissed him deeply. Then Tom left with his bags, flashing Adam a smile before closing the door._ **

**_Adam rushed over to the window, watching Tom leave the building and enter a taxi before sinking down to the floor and crying into his crossed arms, his legs curled up to his chest. This really wasn’t like him but being apart from Tom for a week felt unthinkable. He was the only person he actually enjoyed talking to and seeing and the best relationship he had ever had and.. he was kind of terrified that Tom was going to leave him. People always left him._ **

**_After crying on the floor for far too long Adam managed to calm down and he freshened up in Tom’s luxurious bathroom before heading outside. He opted for walking all the way home, needing the distraction and the time to clear his head. Why was he so upset? Was it getting bad again? Being this upset about being apart for barely a week wasn't normal._**

Tom had a pretty good week but he missed Adam so much more than he imagined he would. They texted and called a lot, even skyped a couple of times, but Tom had a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach that something was wrong. Was Adam angry at him? He was terrified that Adam would get sick of the sneaking around and leave him because it was too hard. He wasn’t sure but something was definitely off.

That’s why, when he was back in London, he went straight to Adam’s place. He didn’t even care if someone was getting suspicious about his frequent trips to the same address, he just needed to see Adam. The look on his face was all he needed when he knocked on the door and Adam opened, smiling brightly. “You’re back early!” He shouted and it made Tom laugh, pulling Adam into a tight embrace which made the dark haired man gasp lightly. “What are you.. Tom, people will see.” Adam protested weakly, still hugging him back tightly. “I don’t care.” He mumbled, burying his face in Adam’s neck and breathing him in but Adam pulled back with a smile. “Yes you do. Come on.” And he pulled Tom inside, closing the door before they collided in a deep, loving kiss, gripping each other as if their life depended on it.

“I love you.” Adam whispered and Tom froze at that, his heart skipping a few beats as he pulled back, looking at Adam with wide eyes. “What?” He asked in barely a whisper and Adam looked about ready to throw up. “Nothing..” But Tom knew what he heard. He pulled Adam back into a quick kiss before pulling back and looking at him. “Do you.. Really?” He asked, getting a bit emotional, his vision growing blurry. Adam nodded after a while, biting his lip nervously but Tom just smiled, laughing a little. “I love you too.” He said and he very much enjoyed the delighted shock on Adam’s face before they joined in another deep, desperate kiss, holding each other close. Adam loved him.. he loved him. Tom had never felt so happy before. That’s why he was so utterly shocked when Adam broke down into tears, gripping his shirt tightly.


	9. Adam's Secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam spills something that has been weighing on his mind for a long time. Will Tom be able to handle it or will Adam's fear come true. Is this the end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick update again. I'm so happy I'm feeling inspired right now. This story means so much to me and I have such big plans for this story. Hope the chapter is okay and that you guys like it. I also edited and corrected the entire story today and I feel much better about the first chapter. Check it out of you want. But first check out this chapter ^^ Feels ahead!
> 
> (Sorry it's short.. they're all pretty short. I just rather update when I can than wait for decent length chapters. Is that okay?)
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains mentions of depression and self harm and medication for depression.

**_Adam Collins_ **

Tom Hiddleston

\----------------------------------------------------

**_He told Tom everything. It was pointless trying to hide any of it any longer after his freaking meltdown. He told Tom all about his struggles with depression and how he took pills every morning to be able to function like a normal human being. He told him all of it and now he was terrified, a big lump forming in the pit of his stomach. He was really going to miss Tom._ **

**_They were sitting on the couch, close together. Tom was watching him, he felt it, but Adam was watching their interlocked hands until Tom’s free hand tilted his head up and their eyes met. They had been talking.. a lot.. For hours probably, and to his utter amazement Tom wasn’t leaving and had no plans of leaving. He was asking questions, stroking his fingers and brushing his hair back and it made Adam want to cry again._ **

**_“There’s.. one more thing you should probably know..” He mumbled, pulling back a bit from Tom and rolling his left sleeve up, watching Tom as realization dawned on him. Tom got this pained look on his face and he lifted Adam’s hand up to his face, pressing a soft kiss to his wrist._ **

**_“So your cat didn’t actually scratch you.” Tom commented, not actually a question but Adam shook his head anyways. Tom pressed a kiss to his palm before pressing another kiss to his wrist and then further up his arm. It was just overwhelming enough to have Adam break down into tears again. This was just too much._ **

**_“No.. Please.. what are you doing?” He asked, pulling away from Tom and shaking his head, tears blurring his vision._ **

**_“You’re supposed to tell me you can’t have this kind of drama in your life, tell me you can’t handle this. You’re supposed to leave, they all leave. You’re supposed to look at me with disgust and then leave.” He was practically bawling, yelling at Tom, but Tom just pulled him into his arms tightly and hugged him close. Adam wrapped his arms around Tom’s neck tightly, burying his face in Tom’s neck and gripping him tightly. He was terrified of letting him go now._ **

Tom had never been so heartbroken in all his life as he was when he was hugging a bawling Adam on the couch in Adam’s apartment. He suspected this was something Adam had dreaded telling him from day one and now it had just gotten too much. Tom had to struggle to not start crying himself as he held Adam close, rubbing his back until he calmed down enough for them to pull apart slightly.

Tom knew his eyes were a bit teary but he was trying to hold it together for Adam.. at least for now. He wouldn’t be this upset if he didn’t love Adam with all his heart and he knew he did. If anything he was more sure now than even before tonight. He stroked Adam’s cheek, kissing him very softly before pulling back so he could look at him again, needing Adam to see how much he meant what he said now.

“I am not leaving, Adam. I meant what I said.. I love you. This doesn’t change anything, okay?” He kept quiet then until Adam nodded slightly. He took Adam’s hands in his, squeezing his fingers lightly. “I’m really sorry people have left in the past, that is despicable, but I’m not leaving you.” Tom said again, needing to make sure Adam knew he really meant it. Adam nodded again and Tom pulled him into another hug, sighing softly and wiping away his own tears that he hadn’t realized he had let fall.

They stayed on the couch long into the night, just curled up together, not really talking about anything, just needing to be close. In the early morning they finally went to bed, Tom pulling Adam into his arms before they fell asleep together. Tom made sure Adam fell asleep before he relaxed and followed suit, sleeping soundly until the sun woke him up. He also realized that Adam was gone and he rolled out of bed, finding his t-shirt and heading out of the bedroom.

**_Adam was in a much better mood today. When Tom rushed into the kitchen he tried not to blush, looking down at his feet as he made some coffee for them. To his delight Tom wrapped his arms arounf him from behind, kissing his neck. “Morning, gorgeous. How are you feeling?” That voice in his ear was enough to made him sigh contently, smiling as he poured the coffee before turning around and stealing a kiss._ **

**_“I’m feeling good. Much better.. I.. Um.. I’m really sorry about my meltdown last night.. I..” But he was unable to continue since Tom took that opportunity to pull him into a deep, lingering kiss, leaving him smiling goofily._ **

**_“Please don’t apologize. I’m glad you told me. God.. I must have killed you not to tell me.” Tom said as if he was in pain for Adam just thinking about it. Adam nodded lightly, realizing that it had been pure hell hiding this. It’s not exactly first date conversation material. Adam looked up into Tom’s eyes for a moment before pulling away, taking out the juice and pouring a glass before taking out the bottle of the pills._ **

**_“It’s.. to keep me balanced. My brain doesn’t produce very much dopamine on its own so.. I take two of these every morning and most of the time I’m great.” He explained with a soft smile before pouring two pills into his hand and swallowing them down with his juice._ **

Tom waited for Adam to swallow the pills and setting his glass down before pulling him into a fierce hug, breathing him in and nuzzling his face into his neck. “You could have told me.” He mumbled softly before pulling back. He knew that was easy for him to say but it was true. Even on day one, Tom would not have left. Adam looked at him for a while, reaching over and taking his hand and nodding lightly. “I know that now but.. it’s kind of a big deal to people.” He shrugged lightly, smiling softly and Tom was relieved to see that glint back in those green eyes he loved so much.

“I knew something was wrong. I should have asked. I..” He stopped himself, sighing softly and pulling Adam into a hug again, stroking his hair. “Thank you for telling me.” He whispered and he felt Adam grip him a little tighter before pulling back, chuckling softly and wiping his eyes. Tom wasn’t sure what he could do to make it better but he had a feeling Adam just needed to see for himself that Tom actually wasn’t leaving so he stole a quick kiss before taking down mugs for their coffee, pouring it and handing Adam a mug. “God, I missed you.. and this apartment.” He sighed softly with a smile, taking a sip of the coffee. He smiled back when Adam smiled happily at him.

Tom watched as Adam put the pills away, memorizing where they were, before he sat down at the kitchen counter bar as Adam started making them breakfast. Adam seemed almost lighter as he moved around the kitchen, flashing Tom little smiles as he cooked and Tom sipped his coffee with a smile, his heart full. He had definitely meant it when he said he loved Adam. Over two months together now and Tom couldn’t imagine his life any differently.

Breakfast was ready and they sat down together, eating and chatting about the award show and Adam’s week and the fact that starting tomorrow they would be actually working together on Tom’s secret project. Despite their night and Adam’s puffy eyes everything felt great between them and Tom felt so completely happy he could hardly believe it. They would be okay and he felt closer to Adam than ever before, taking his hand across the counter with a smile. “I love you..” He said after a while, wanting Adam to hear it without the tears and the fear of Tom leaving.

**_Adam looked up with a smile, squeezing Tom’s fingers. He watched Tom for a while, making sure he meant it before pulling the actor into a soft kiss. “I love you too.” He sighed contently before pulling away with a silly smile. Adam had never felt so light and relieved and loved in all his life. They were going to be just fine._ **


	10. Moving forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meeting the family can be nerve wrecking but maybe it'll be okay. Adam is nervous as hell but maybe he shouldn't have been. Come along and see what happens when Tom brings Adam home to meet the family, something he hasn't done with anyone before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Really sorry this took so long. I was in a bad place, personally, and then Hiddleswift happened and it felt weird to write for a while. I understand if people might not want to read this right now but that's why they call it fiction. Don't read if you don't like it and I don't need any comments about the subject. This is a story and a pairing I made up that have developed in my head into a couple I adore. This doesn't mean I don't love Hiddleswift =) Hope you guys enjoy and as always I'd love a quick comment letting me know what you think. Enjoy!

Tom Hiddleston

_**Adam Collins** _

__

A few weeks passed and Tom had never been happier. He spent most nights at Adam’s place unless he worked really late and Adam had to get up early the next day. Adam seemed much more relaxed and happy since their talk. Tom suspected that Adam needed a little breakdown just to get it all off his chest and now he was feeling even better than before. Everything was great.

About a month later Tom had an event to go to and he noticed how much it killed him not to be able to bring Adam. Hiding was getting difficult when you actually had something to hide and Tom found himself staying home with Adam instead of going out, meeting at Adam’s office instead of out in the street and leaving places separately.. It was killing him. Adam was fine with it, being the most understanding, wonderful person in the world, but when Tom told him about the event he could see the way Adam’s smile faltered before going back to normal. He hated it.

“I’m really sorry. I am.. Luke even told me that I could bring someone but..” He started to explain for the third time but Adam clamped a hand over his mouth with a cheeky grin.

“I know. Tom, it’s fine. I get it.” He smiled but Tom saw the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes 100% like it usually does. Tom just shook his head, removing Adam’s hand from his mouth and clasping it in his own.

“I know you understand, you always do because you’re the best, but I still feel terrible.” Tom sighed lightly, leaning his head on Adam’s shoulder, closing his eyes. He relaxed when he felt Adam’s fingers in his hair, a small smile on his face.

“We don’t have to hide forever, I do promise you that. I just..” Tom trailed off, not sure what he was trying to say, but Adam just kissed his head and pulled him closer.

“I know. It’s okay, Tom. It’s your life and you need to tell people when you’re ready. I have no right deciding when you do or be mad at you for waiting. It’s scary.. I can’t even imagine how it must feel with the spotlight you have on you. I do understand, okay? It’s your life, darling.” Tom couldn’t even explain how much it meant to hear those words from Adam but it still didn’t change the fact that even Tom was getting annoyed at himself. He sat up, looking into Adam’s eyes and taking his hands in his.

“It is my life and.. I want to be able to walk down the street with you, I want to be able to bring you on set with me and to events with me. I want to be able to go out and eat or just take a walk without almost having a panic attack. I..” Tom took a deep breath, calming down, earning a smile from Adam.

“I’m not ready to bring you to this event, I’m sorry, but this weekend I’d love for you to meet my parents and sisters.” He said all in one breath before pausing and looking into Adam’s eyes.

**_Adam just gaped at Tom for a moment before smiling brightly. “Are you serious?” He asked after a while before Adam had thought maybe Tom would never be ready. Tom just nodded and it made Adam chuckle. He looked so excited. He pulled Tom into a hug, kissing his neck lightly._ **

**_“I just don’t want you to feel pressured. You don’t have to do this.” He mumbled softly into Tom’s shirt before pulling back so he could look at Tom with a small smile._ **

**_“I know.. But I want to. It’s my family and I want them to know about you.” He mumbled softly and Adam smiled again, getting a bit teary eyed so he pulled Tom into a hug again, burying his face in the crook of Tom’s neck, breathing him in._ **

**_“I love you.” He sighed softly, smiling when Tom repeated the words and pulled him closer. This would be so amazing but now Adam felt ridiculously nervous. What if they didn’t like him, what if they reacted badly.. What if it didn’t go well at all.. What should he wear??_ **

**_The rest of the week passed quickly as they worked and hung out. Tom went to the event stag, something people had never questioned before so it felt safe, and they were in the clear. So far no pictures or information had gotten out. How they had managed to be that careful Adam had no idea but it helped that Tom didn’t exactly have the paparazzi on his tail every step he took. It was working.. for now._ **

**_The weekend came quickly and waking up on Saturday Adam felt as if he might throw up. London was showing its true colours with a dark grey sky and winds so they both dressed in jeans and shirts and jackets to survive the suddenly cold weather. They were ready to go but Adam sat down in the kitchen, leaning his arms on the kitchen bar, taking a deep breath. Tom smiled softly, walking over and taking his hands in his._ **

**_“Relax, darling. It’s going to be fine. I think..” He added with a glint in his eyes and Adam knew he was teasing.. It still made him huff and stand up, pacing the kitchen. “Maybe they don’t care about you being gay but they still don’t like me.. I mean.. surely you can do a lot better.” Adam scoffed but regretted it immediately. He hadn’t meant it like that. Tom sighed lightly, pulling him close and forcing him to stop pacing as they joined in a warm embrace that made Adam’s shoulders relax._ **

**_“There is nobody better, darling. Not for me. I love YOU.. I don’t care what they think. Come on, it’ll be fine.” He smiled softly and they shared a quick kiss before leaving the building and jumping into the car. This was it. Adam felt as if everything would change now, he just wasn’t sure if it would be good or bad._ **

The drive home wasn’t very long, his parents lived only an hour outside of London. Tom was quite glad that they didn’t live further away the way Adam was starting to fidget and shake a bit. He had thought he would be the one who was nervous but he had made up his mind about this and he felt quite good about it. He had told his sister, Emma, that he was bringing someone special but to not tell their parents or anyone else. They really had no idea who they were about to meet but Emma had seemed optimistic and Tom didn’t feel very nervous. He was surprised at how calm he was, driving down to see his family with the man he loved. He had decided that he didn’t care if they weren’t okay with Adam because he loved him and that was all that mattered. It would hurt but it wouldn’t change anything.

They arrived at last and Adam groaned, burying his face in his hands and it made Tom laugh softly, reaching over and taking Adam’s hand in his for a moment. “It’ll be okay.” He smiled, squeezing Adam’s hand before letting go and jumping out of the car. This was it..

He opened the door for Adam and they headed up to the door but before he could even ring the doorbell Emma opened the door with a big smile.

“Tommy!” She squealed and threw herself into his arms. In the corner if his eye he saw Adam bite back a smile. He would definitely not hear the end of that any time soon. “Hey Ems.” He smiled when they had let go of each other and Emma pulled them inside so she could close the door.

“Emma. This is Adam.” He told her, giving her a telling look and Emma grinned her most dazzling of smiles, shaking Adam’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Welcome. Come on, mom and dad are in the living room.” She explained pleasantly, not asking any uncomfortable questions which Tom was extremely relieved about. Okay this was it.. might as well do it right. Tom took Adam’s hand with a soft smile, pulling him along into the living room. He wanted to laugh at the look on Adam’s face but it really wasn’t the time.

His parents looked up when they walked inside and seemed to freeze for a moment before standing up to greet them with big smiles. “Thomas! You didn’t tell us you were bringing someone!” His mother scolded him and he smiled apologetically, leaning in to kiss his mother’s cheek. “Sorry. I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.” He grinned. Of course that wasn’t true and his mother knew that as well but she seemed to appreciate the excuse and laughed softly, smacking his arm.

“Mom, dad.. Emma. This is Adam.. My boyfriend.” He explained before practically holding his breath. Adam looked as if he was ready to hit the floor and he squeezed Tom’s hand tightly. Emma was the first to start laughing, throwing a pillow at Tom.

“You mean you don’t hold hands with all your friends? Tom honestly. Like we didn’t figure that out.” Tom laughed slightly, torn between hugging Emma or throwing a pillow back at her. His parents laughed along with Emma, pulling both of them into hugs as a way of greeting them.

“Oh Thomas. I can’t believe you were scared to tell us this. You know we love you no matter what.” His mother sighed, hugging him again and despite his height he felt like a little boy in his mother’s arms.

He felt himself relax with a smile, wrapping an arm around Adam’s waist. “You can breathe now.” He grinned, glad that Adam actually laughed at that, leaning into him a bit. “I wouldn’t have been so nervous if you didn’t make such a big deal about it.” He chuckled

“Yeah, he does that.” His father huffed in amusement and just like that the tension was broken and they both relaxed, falling into a comfortable conversation with his family.

**_After the first introduction Adam felt way more relaxed, chatting with Tom’s parents and feeling very welcome. Meeting his family was so nice. Now he understood how Tom was the person he was and the kind of environment he had grown up with. It was so sweet. He felt like he got to know so much more about Tom just by being there with his family._ **

**_After a few minutes Emma stole him away upstairs and he got a bit nervous again until Emma pulled him into a tight hug before pulling him along to a small couch in a small sitting room upstairs._ **

**_“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Tommy this happy.” She smiled softly and it made Adam smile as well. “I’m glad you can tell. I haven’t been this happy before either.. ever. I just.. don’t want anyone to think this is anything but serious.” He mumbled, stuttering a bit. Emma smiled and squeezed his arm lightly._ **

**_“I can tell. Just the way you look at him and held onto him before when you were worried about us. I’m not stupid.. I get that this isn’t new. He’s too comfortable with you. I’m glad he finally worked up the nerve to bring you home.” She smiled and her upbeat energy was contagious and it made Adam smile and laugh softly._ **

**_“He was so nervous. He would have waited forever if not for.. um.. something that happened.” He shrugged lightly, looking down at his hands before looking back up at her. “What happened? Something bad?” Emma asked but he just smiled, shaking his head. “Not bad.. Just big.” He grinned and Emma seemed to leave it at that._ **

**_They chatted for a while longer before heading downstairs again in time for lunch. Adam found Tom, leaning into his side and stealing a quick kiss when no one was looking. They seemed okay but who knew if they were okay with actually seeing it._ **

**_“Hey, Tommy.” He grinned and Tom groaned, hiding his face in his free hand which made him laugh. “I knew that was going to stick.” Tom groaned and it just made Adam laugh even more, hiding his face in Tom’s shirt._ **

**_This was good. Tom was relaxed and happy and his family was fine with everything. It hadn’t been bad at all and everyone was happy. He had been welcomed into the family, no questions asked, and it all felt relaxed and comfortable. It had gone better than either of them could have ever imagined and it made Adam so happy for Tom.. for both of them._ **

They stayed for lunch with the family and everybody seemed happy and accepting. No  uncomfortable questions or hurtful comments. Now Tom wasn’t sure why he had even worried in the first place. It’s always worse in your own head than in reality and it had gone really well. His dad even said that they had suspected he was gay for many years but wanted him to tell them himself. He had freaked himself out for no good reason, hiding his happiness, and he definitely regretted it now. He loved his family so much. He just needed to call Sarah on the way home, not wanting her to hear it from anyone else.

Soon enough it was time for them to leave to go home but Tom promised to visit again soon and bring Adam as well. They all hugged goodbye, Emma giving Adam an extra-long hug before they headed back to the car. Tom felt deliriously happy after the day and couldn’t stop smiling. He let Adam drive so he could call Sarah and they headed back home, both of them exhausted but happy.

It had been a big day but it went better than either of them could have ever imagined. Maybe coming out in public would be the same and he was worrying for no reason.. but he wasn’t quite ready for that yet. But soon. 


	11. I can't do this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is everything really perfect now for Tom and Adam? Fame can be a big obstacle in life but so can fear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it's been so long. Life is rough sometimes and writing is the hardest thing for me to do at those times. So sorry. I really try so hard. Hope the chapter is okay and I will do my best to update as soon as possible. Take care!

**_Adam Collins_ **

****Tom Hiddleston

 

**_He tried not to take it personally, he really did. It was a scary thing to come out to the world. But even after such a success coming out to Tom’s family he was still terrified of coming out publicly. They were still sneaking around, hiding and being locked up in one of their apartments and it was starting to really get to Adam. He hated admitting it but it had now been a month since their first dinner with his family and nothing had really changed._ **

**_“We could go out..” He tried one night as they were sitting in Tom’s apartment, both of them working on their laptops in a comfortable silence, soft music playing from the speakers in the bookshelf. Tom looked up confused and he immediately felt bad for saying anything but he couldn’t do this anymore._ **

**_“What do you mean? We are going out.” Tom smiled, always making jokes and trying to steer clear of the situation but tonight Adam just sighed and got back to writing on his laptop. He felt the couch shift and a laptop close but he didn’t look up. Then he felt a hand on his back and he closed his eyes for a moment, as if in pain. He loved Tom so much, he never knew he could feel this way but.. Maybe this was too hard._ **

**_“Adam, please. We talked about this, it won’t be forever.” Tom’s voice was soft and soothing, his hand rubbing slow circles on his back. Now it was Adam’s turn to close his laptop, putting it away before turning to face Tom._ **

**_“I know.. You keep saying that. I just don’t know how much longer I can do this.” His voice was surprisingly choked up and he took a deep breath. Tom took his hand in his gently, frowning lightly, and he took in the warmth and the love he saw in Tom’s eyes. He didn’t want to upset Tom, that was actually the last thing he wanted to do, but they needed to talk about this._ **

**_“I know it’s hard, I’m sorry. I just need a little more time.” Adam nodded lightly, squeezing Tom’s fingers and looking into his eyes. His ridiculously blue eyes that he loved so much._ **

**_“How long? I need some kind of timeline here because it’s killing me, Tom.” He was definitely getting upset and his voice was rough. It was a long time coming, this conversation. Tom looked taken aback, blinking rapidly before moving closer._ **

**_“Adam, please. I don’t know that. It’s really hard for me.” Adam closed his eyes again as if in pain before dropping Tom’s hand and standing up._ **

**_“I know. I get it, okay? You know that. But I don’t think I can do this anymore.” Tom stood up as well, reaching for him but Adam pulled away, making Tom tear up._ **

**_“What are you saying? Do you want me to come out right now for you? Is this some sort of ultimatum?” Adam shook his head, feeling tears sting his eyes. He always cried easily when arguing or talking about something sensitive. He hated it but right now he didn’t care._ **

**_“No.. Tom, I’m not telling you how to live your life. This is up to you. I’m just telling you that I can’t do this anymore.” This was definitely not what he had planned for their night together but once they started talking about it Adam realized what he needed._ **

**_“So you’re just gonna walk away?” Tom had tears in his eyes now too and it was killing Adam to do this to someone he loved so much but.. maybe it had been a bad idea in the first place, getting involved. He couldn’t do it any longer._ **

**_“I have to.. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you with all my heart. It just means that I can’t sneak around anymore. I understand that you need to right now but I can’t be a part of it anymore, Tom. I’m sorry.” He was crying now, tears falling rapidly and his breathing ragged and shallow. Tom moved closer, taking his hand in one of his and stroking his cheek with the other, crying as well._ **

**_“Please.. don’t do this. I love you.. so much. Please.” But Adam pulled away, shaking his head, sobbing quietly._ **

**_“I’m sorry. I love you too.. I’m sorry.” He pulled Tom’s key out of his jacket before putting it on, leaving the key on the table. He looked at Tom for a long moment before walking over and pulling him into a kiss. A kiss full of sadness, longing, love and heartbreak. He pulled back, resting their foreheads together for a quick moment before pulling away and leaving the apartment._ **

**_Adam didn’t go home, not immediately. Leaving Tom’s place, he started walking aimlessly through the city. It was late, dark, but it was London so it was still full of people. Adam was hiding his tears, completely heartbroken, and he had no idea for how long he actually walked. Eventually he ended up in the park and sat down by a small fountain, playing with the water as he tried to calm down. He had done the right thing, right? He had to protect his own heart, had to do what was right for him.. But he felt so broken and upset right now he wasn’t sure he actually had done the right thing. He loved Tom so much and his heart was aching but he couldn’t stand another day of hiding and sneaking around and lying._ **

The second the door shut in front of him, the sound ringing through the apartment, Tom fell to his knees, crying into his hands. He didn’t even understand what had happened but now Adam was gone and Tom had never felt more alone in his life. One second they were curled up on the couch together and the next Adam was walking out of his life and it hurt so badly he couldn’t even explain it.

Tom lost track of how long he had stayed on the floor but eventually he managed to drag himself to bed, turning off all the lights. What had even happened? He could barely believe it. No, this was some horrible dream and he’d wake up in Adam’s warm arms and kiss him and hold him. Just thinking about that made Tom cry more. Would he never wake up next to Adam again?

Tom cried himself to sleep that night, hugging the pillow that smelled like Adam. When he woke up the next morning there was a moment of confusion. Was it real? Had last night really happened? Tom sat up and clenched his jaw, playing the events of last night over in his head. No.. He refused to just let Adam walk away from this. What they had was too powerful, too important to just walk away from. Tom was done letting this ruin his life, not when it meant losing Adam. That was unacceptable. He couldn’t be scared anymore knowing what was at stake.

Tom took a quick shower, trying to get it together and clean up a bit, getting dressed and heading out the door. He needed to talk to Luke and if he accidentally bumped into Adam that would be just fine too. His eyes were a bit red and puffy and he felt really tired but people would just assume he was tired and working hard so he made his way to the office building he had come to love. Suddenly he felt more nervous than he wanted to admit but he took a deep breath, stepping into the lobby with determined steps. He knew exactly what he needed, wanted, to do but he needed Luke’s help.


	12. Hello world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being apart has the couple miserable and desperate to fix things. Can they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter. I seem to be best at those. Not sure why I can't just wait and post long chapters but I want to post as often as possible.. which isn't often I'm sorry. I got a new job and finished school and stuff happened at home.. It's been a lot. But he's chapter 12 for you guys as a small Halloween treat. Enjoy!

Tom Hiddleston

_**Adam Collins** _

 

He realized he wasn’t actually breathing as he watched Luke, his knee bouncing rapidly. He had blurted it all out and now he just watched Luke as he stared at him. Was this going to be bad? Suddenly Tom felt as if he might be sick.

“All this time.. you’ve been scared to tell me?” Luke finally asked, voice surprised but it had a hint of something Tom couldn’t really put his finger on. Tom just nodded and Luke sighed softly, shaking his head and leaning back.

“Tom, for God’s sake.. You actually think this changes anything? Of all the people you know, you know I understand. I thought we could talk about stuff like this.. we’re friends.” Luke was upset but only because he hadn’t told him, not because of the news itself. Tom nodded, biting his lip.

“Of course we are. I just.. It’s been really hard and now.. You, if anyone, knows how hard this is.” He trailed off and Luke actually smiled, nodding lightly.

“I do, okay? I get it.. But now you have a reason. God, Tom, we could have done this ages ago. It’s not a problem, you know that right?” Tom just shrugged because truth is he didn’t know that. He remembered how it had turned out for Luke. Most people were great but some people.. He didn’t know if this would be a problem, he just knew that now he wanted to do it.. To hell with the consequences. Luke smiled a bit, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the desk that was between them.

“Tom, this needs to be your words. I can help, absolutely, but this needs to be you.” Tom nodded at that. He knew that and he wanted to be the one writing it up but.. he really didn’t even know where to start.

“I just want him back.” He mumbled before sighing deeply and Luke felt bad. He wanted to help his friend but this was all up to Tom. It had to be. But he could help. Luke suddenly realized something, looking up at his friend with a small smile.

“So that time when I tried to talk to you.. when you were so happy but wouldn’t tell me what was going on.. That was Adam?” He asked, actually realizing how long this must have been going on. Tom just nodded, feeling really stupid now. Of course Luke would be fine. He understood, of course, and at times like these Luke always focused on his feelings before what it would do to his work. He didn’t give his friend enough credit, truly. Luke just laughed softly, standing up.

“Okay, you need him back.” Tom couldn’t agree more but he suddenly realized something else. He had some close friends who would get these news along with the public and he wasn’t really okay with that. No.. He wanted to do that in person.. well over the phone for some of them. But he didn’t really have time on his side and he was getting worried already as it was.

“I want to do this right but.. I’m also kind of worried.” He confessed to Luke, proceeding to explain all about Adam’s struggles and mental state. It was something that really weighed on his mind today. He tried to call several times but Adam didn’t answer. Luke nodded, looking worried, and it really made Tom feel better in a way. It felt really nice to talk to someone.

“Okay this is what we’re gonna do. You take the day to call your friends.. Those you want to tell before making your statement. Have Emma call Adam, you mentioned they got along well. That way you’ll at least know he’s okay. Then tonight when most people are home but not in bed.. we release a statement. Sound good?” Tom nodded, relaxing a bit with a soft sigh. Luke always knew what to do and what he needed. They had a plan now and Tom could start to actively fix this whole mess. To say he was nervous was an understatement but the feeling that was the most overpowering was worry so he started by calling Emma who was more than happy to help. He explained the situation and he had honestly never heard Emma call him a wanker before. Sisters. But she would help so he was grateful, hoping Adam would talk to her at least.

Next up was calling his friends. He didn’t call everybody up, only the few people he felt he wanted to tell before releasing a statement online for all the world to see.

“I can’t believe you were scared to tell me.”

“Why on earth would you be nervous to tell me something like this?”

“Wait, you mean that wasn’t already common knowledge?”

“You are such an idiot.”

To say his friends took it well would be putting it lightly and every conversation had Tom a bit teary eyed but with a massive smile on his face. He sighed loudly, slumping back in his chair, feeling about 100 pounds lighter already. Why had he been so worried? His friends were great people and would never judge him or anyone else. But it feels like such a big, life altering thing to reveal and he had been building it up in his head for years and years. Ridiculous.

Next he called Emma, feeling that knot in his stomach again as she answered.

“He’s okay. He took the day off.. Sounded really sad. But he has taken his pills and he hasn’t.. done anything stupid.” Tom wanted to cry, it really broke his heart that Emma felt the need to add that. They both knew exactly what ‘something stupid’ meant.

“Okay.. Thank you for calling. I just.. Thanks. I’m gonna fix this now.” He mumbled and Emma was quiet for a moment.

“Good.. I really like Adam and you were so happy around him. I’ll be checking twitter rapidly.” Then she hung up and Tom sighed lightly, blinking away some tears. He tried not to picture Adam alone and sad in his apartment because of him. It was too heartbreaking. He was going to fix this.

 

**_Adam just couldn’t bare going into work today. He didn’t exactly call in sick but he told his boss he’s working from home and then he curled up on the couch with Nora and he couldn’t hold back the tears for long. He missed Tom already but he really couldn’t live like that much longer. They had been together for close to six months now and Tom was not any closer to coming out than he was that first day. If anything he had gotten even more careful than he was that first month. Adam really couldn’t live like that._ **

**_He dozed off for a moment, waking up from his phone ringing but for the first time all day it wasn’t Tom. It was a number he didn’t know.. He thought maybe it would be Tom calling from a different number but he thought it unlikely and answered it. He really didn’t expect it to be Tom’s sister._ **

**_“Emma? Hey.. Um.. Hi. Hey. What’s up?” He tried to sound more awake and happier than he really was but he was failing miserably._ **

**_“My brother’s an idiot.” She stated simply and Adam sighed softly, biting back a tiny smile. She was so sweet and they had really bonded since that lunch at Tom’s parent’s place._ **

**_“He’s not.. it’s his life.” Adam started but Emma just huffed and he could hear her close a door and sit down._ **

**_“He’s still an idiot if he thinks anyone would even care and risking your relationship because of it. Wanker.” Adam actually laughed softly at that, sitting up much to Nora’s dismay. They talked for a while and he could tell some of her questions were actually Tom’s questions but she actually sounded worried and it really made his day to have her call him and check up on him.. Even if Tom had asked her to._ **

**_“You can tell him I’m fine and I’ve taken my pills and.. I’m not gonna do anything stupid.” Emma was quiet for a moment before answering._ **

**_“Good. I’m glad to hear it. I’m sure you guys will be okay.” They chatted for a while longer before hanging up and after the conversation Adam felt good enough to drag himself from the couch and make himself something to eat. Emma had sounded so sure that they would work it out, it left him kind of hopeful. He didn’t want Tom to do anything that he didn’t want to do.. just for him._ **

 

Hello world.. Well, twitter.

I know I’m not overly active on any kind of social media but for this I thought twitter would be the best site. I have the best experience with twitter.

Here’s the thing. I have something to share, something very important, and after months of debating how to do this I recently realized it’s not that difficult. I know that my fans, those true to me and my work, won’t have anything bad to say about this so it really wasn’t a difficult decision after all.

So here’s the deal: I’m gay.

It feels so good to finally tell you guys! It’s like a huge rock being lifted off my chest and now I can finally breathe again, you know?

There’s something else too, something even more important. See, almost 6 months ago I met this guy and I love him.. I love him with all my heart. But being me and hiding whilst dating someone proved harder than either of us could really handle.

But he’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met with the biggest heart and I have this need to make him happy. It’s really out of my control. So here I am, alone in my flat, missing this amazing guy and.. Suddenly coming out to you all wasn’t so scary anymore.

That’s really all I wanted to say right now. I understand you will all have questions and comments to this but I’ll be signing out for the night and I hope you all have a lovely evening with the people you love.

Take care of each other // Tom H

He took a deep breath before clicking ‘post’ and then simply closing his laptop. He could check reactions tomorrow. There was really only one reaction he cared about tonight. He downed the rest of his beer, staring at his phone. Please call, please call, please call..


	13. Can't lose you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being apart really isn't something either of them are very good at anymore but can they go back to normal after the big change? Do they want to? And how is the world going to react to Tom's news?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really suck at long chapters. I get too eager. I'm sorry. Hope it.s okay.

  ** _Adam Collins_**

 Tom Hiddleston

 

 

**_It was early evening when Adam came back from his run and decided to make some dinner. It felt good to blow off some steam and clear his head but he was still upset. He didn’t know what Tom was doing and Emma hadn’t said anything about what he was planning so the later it got the more convinced Adam got that the relationship was over. After his talk with Emma he had even stopped calling so Adam felt kind of down as he sat down on his couch with some food and a beer. He gave nora some ham from his sandwich and opened his beer, sitting back with a sigh. Nora jumped up in his lap and tried to get to his sandwich with actually made him smile. Maybe they’d be okay.. eventually._ **

****

**_The second his phone pinged he looked up in surprise. He new that ping. It wasn’t a text or an email or anything like that.. It was the ping that let him know that Tom had posted something to Twitter and he regretted not turning off the notifications for him already. Actually, no, that was a lie. He didn’t want to miss if he wrote anything. How could he ever stay away now._ **

****

**_Adam took Another sip of his beer Before picking his phone up, taking a Deep breath Before looking at it. He frowned lightly, opening Twitter to read it properly. It was long, like a ’read more’ thing, and it seemed like a lot of people had done just that. Was he..? Was this..? Oh God. Adam finished his beer Before clicking the ’read more’ tab, swallowing hard._ **

****

**_As he read it his Eyes filled with tears and he couldn’t keep them from falling for very long. He must have read it Three times Before finally putting his phone away and wiping his Eyes. He really wasn’t sure what to do with this but he knew he shouldn’t do anything right now. He needed to let this sink in for a while. Had Tom only done this because he felt guilty? Had he pressured Tom into this? He needed Another beer._ **

****

Tom had gone to bed late that night, still looking at his phone every five seconds. Why wasn’t he Calling? He had finally fallen asleep with the phone right next to his pillow and the first thing he did when he woke up was dive for the phone but nothing. Nothing! Tom groaned and dragged himself out of bed, slowly getting ready and having some breakfast. Waking up alone, making breakfast alone, and showering alone hurt more than he wanted to admit. He was completely and utterly attached to Adam now and being apart was torture. Had Adam not seen it yet? Did he even still care?

 

Tom pocketed his phone and wallet, shrugging on his navy jacket and heading out the door. He had to see Luke for his Project but all he could Think about was Adam. Damn it!

 

He barged into the office building, already in a foul mood today and he was all tense and upset. If anyone caught a Picture of him today they would have a field day with his mood but hopefully no one did. Ashley at the reception gave him a big smile and told him Luke was waiting but he only gave her a weak smile back, heading down to Luke’s office, slumping into a chair.

 

”Woah. You’re in a good mood. I take it he didn’t call?” Luke asked while putting some papers in a folder and putting some papers down in front of Tom.

 

”Nooo.. Nothing. This was a terrible idea.” Luke just laughed softly. Laughed! Thanks a lot, mate. Tom just scowled at him and Luke bit back Another laugh, leaning back in his chair.

 

”Maybe he didn’t see it yet.. Maybe he turned his phone off.. I’m sure it’s going to be fine.” Tom just huffed, crossing his arms. Adam could have turned his phone off, probably.. But he still could have seen it on his laptop or.. or.. Somewhere.

 

”Will you cheer up for just a second? You’re not regretting it, are you? Because the response is amazingly positive and supportive.” Tom looked up, managing a small smile. ”Really?” Luke just laughed again, turning his laptop over for Tom to see. ”Really. It’s kind of Amazing. Of course now everyone are putting you together with different celebrities, trying to guess who the guy is you’re talking about but it’s all very kind and supportive.” Tom read some of the comments and tweets, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the response from his fans. People were dying to know who this guy was and it kind of upset Tom again.

 

”What if I’m not getting him back?” Luke looked up, his smile faltering and he sighed softly. ”Tom. You haven’t lost him. I’m sure it’sgonna be fine. Look.. I know he’s not here today so maybe go to his Place? Don’t just let him get away.. Not when he makes you so happy.”

 

Tom stood up rapidly, shrugging his jacket back on. ”You’re right. I’m not just going to wait for him to react. I’ll go see him. Thank you.” Luke just chuckled and turned the laptop back. ”Anytime. Call me later, yeah? Now get out of here, I have work to do.” Luke teased and Tom managed a proper, genuine smile Before leaving the office and rushing out of the building. Adam’s Place was pretty Close but he still took a cab there, running up to the street door just as it started raining. Damn it. Thank you, London. He rang the buzzer for 37, practically holding his breath.

 

”Yeah?” Tom’s heart practically melted and he squeezed his Eyes shut, one hand on the brick wall.

 

”It’s me.” He Heard Adam draw in a breath and swallow Before he answered. ”Tom.. What are you doing here?” Tom breathed out a laugh, feeling tears sting his Eyes.

 

”I wanted to see you. Please? I.. I miss you.” His voice cracked on the last few Words and he took a Deep Breathe. He could tell Adam was emotional too because he sighed and sniffed lightly Before answering again.

 

”I didn’t ask you to do that, you know? That’s not what I meant?” Tom sighed, bowing his head and some water dripped down his face. He had seen it.. Thank, God he had seen it.

 

”I know. I know you didn’t. But when you left.. Not having you there with me. Coming out wasn’t  so scary anymore. It was nothing compared to the fear of losing you, Adam. I can’t lose you. Please.. Just let me in so I can see you and talk to you.” It was quiet for a long moment and he thought Adam had left but then the door buzzed open and he rushed inside, soaking wet, running up the stairs to Adam’s apartment. When he reached the right floor the door was already open and Adam was leaning in the doorway, arms crossed but a small smile on his face. Seeing him filled Tom with such a relief that he just rushed over and pulled Adam into a hug, not even caring that he was soaking wet and shivering, holding Adam Close.

 

**_Adam hugged Tom back without hesitation, not even caring that he was getting soaked. He squeezed his Eyes shut, taking a Deep breath to draw in the scent of rain and autumn and of Tom. He had missed him so much. It felt like they had been apart for Days._ **

****

**_”I was gonna call you I just.. I didn’tknow what to say.” He started to explain but Tom just shushed him softly and he felt fingers run through his messy hair. They pulled apart and Tom looked sheepish, shaking his hair out a bit like a dog. ”Now you’re all wet, I’m sorry.” Adam just chuckled lightly, taking Tom’s hand and pulling him inside so he could Close the door. ”I don’t care.” It was true, he really didn’t care. It was so unimportant at the moment and he pulled Tom Close again, this time kissing him deeply. Tom seemed surprised but quickly kissed him back, cupping his cheek so gently it almost broke his heart._ **

****

**_Adam pulled back after a while, taking a Deep breath and stepping back slightly with a small smile. ”We.. we should probably talk.” Adam suggested and Tom nodded at that. ”Yes, I agree. Can we.. um. Change first?” He asked and they both laughed softly as Adam nodded._ **

****

**_Once they were both in dry clothes they at down together on Adam’s couch and Adam was Quick to take Tom’s hand, lacing their fingers together._ **

****

**_”I should have called. I wanted to call I just.. I wasn’t sure how to process what you did.. For me. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I never wanted to pressure you into this or somehow make it into some sort of ultimatum.” Tom let him finish rambling but he could tell it was killing him to not shush him again. Adam appreciated that a lot. Once he was done, Tom moved a bit closer, brushing some hair from his Eyes._ **

****

**_”I know.. I know that now. I didn’t see what sneaking around was doing to you and.. Then you left and it just hit me, practically knocking the wind out of me. I couldn’tlose you and.. nothing was as scary as losing you. Maybe I did it for you at the time but I did it for me too. Does that make sense?” Adam just nodded softly, a small smile on his lips. He couldn’t Believe he almost walked away from this, lost this. He slid closer to Tom, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him into a soft, slow kiss._ **

****

**_”So.. we’re okay?” Tom asked once they pulled apart and Adam smiled, properly this time. ”Yes. We are definitely okay.” He grinned, pulling Tom back into the kiss that soon grew heated as they clung to each other, pure emotion as they kissed, all want and need for each other._ **

****

**_Waking up the next morning had a content sigh slipping from Adam’slips and he smiled sleepily. Two mornings he had woken up without Tom now and he really didn’t like it so waking up now and having Tom asleep next to him was enough to have him grin widely andfeeling that warmth return to his chest. Last night was.. Amazing. But waking up like this with the man he loved was the best feeling. Adam turned to his side and cuddled up with Tom, nuzzling his neck. This seemed to Wake the actor because soon enough he had two warm arms wrapped around him and he felt a kiss placed on the top of his head. Yeah.. this was where he belonged, no doubt._ **


	14. Being there for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news is out and our favorite couple take another important step in their relationship. But life isn't always great and Adam learns that he can always count on Tom.

Tom Hiddleston

_**Adam Collins** _

_**\------------------------------------------------------** _

 

Tom finally woke up properly, smiling down at the man snoozing in his arms. Yeah this was definitely how he was supposed to Wake up every morning. He stole a Quick kiss Before getting out of bed to start breakfast. He was seeing Luke later and he was thinking about bringing Adam.

”Hey, are you going in to work today?” He asked casually as he made some tea and started some toast. Adam strolled into the kitchen in just boxers, rubbing his tired Eyes. It made Tom smile as he let his Eyes wander Adam’s chest with a sigh.

”Yeah I really should. Been working from home for two Days.” Adam chuckled lightly and it made Tom bite back a smile. He didn’t really want to Think about why Adam had worked from home for the last two Days. Tom slid a cup of tea to Adam and set down a plate of toast for them Before sitting down.

”So you could have lunch with me and Luke?” He asked with a smile and sipped his tea. Adam looked up in surprise, studying his face for a moment like he Always did when he tried to read his expression.

”I guess.. I.. Are you sure?” Oh, he was nervous. Tom smiled, sliding his foot along Adam’s under the table. ”I’m sure. It would be great. He’s dying to meet you, actually.” This made Adam smile that Bright smile that made his green Eyes sparkle and Tom’s heart kind of melted. He loved Adam so much. They finished their late breakfast together, soon joined by a whiny Nora, stroking against their legs and demanding attention. Tom made sure that Adam took his pills, not pushing, Before they got dressed together. Tom was down to his last outfit at Adam’s Place.

”You should just live her..” Adam told him Before pulling a jumper over his head and Tom stopped and looked up, jeans still undone and shirt open. ”What?” Adam looked up with a confused expression. ”What?”

”Did you just ask me to move in with you?” Adam laughed softly at that, blushing a Little. It was so damn endearing Tom wanted to kiss him but this was more important right now so he just smiled, stepping closer to Adam. He tapped his chin to get him to look up at him, stroking his cheek softly.

”Did you?” He asked again and Adam smiled that Bright smile again. ”Well it only makes sense. You’re here all the time, it’s closer to Luke’s office and your set and the subway. My Place is bigger and Nora is..” Tom was sure he would have kept rambling all day if not for the fact that Tom grabbed his jumper and pulled him into a Deep kiss. When they pulled back Tom was grinning like an idiot, leaning their foreheads together.

”Okay.” He mumbled, pulling back a bit so he could look into his Eyes.

”Okay?” Adam was smiling brightly, all teeth, hands still gripping Tom’s shirt and he laughed softly.

”Okay.” This time Adam pulled him into a kiss and they ended up making out for quite some time and eventually they had to rush out of the apartment. Once outside of the building he saw Adam hesitate for a moment and step away from him. It kind of broke his heart a Little.. Okay, a lot actually.

”Adam.. Hey, it’s okay.” He smiled softly, reaching for his hand. Adam searched his face again in that way but didn’t seem to find any doubt because he moved a bit closer and took his hand and they shared a soft smile.

**_When they got to Luke’s office Adam felt a bit shy again but Luke’s reaction was enough to get him relaxing. Tom had worried so much that it had gotten him worried but apparently, everybody was so great about it. Luke showed them some fan reactions on his laptop before they all headed out to lunch. This was amazing and he loved how calm and relieved tom seemed. Like a massive weight had been lifted off his shoulders. They had a great lunch and afternoon with Luke and Tom barely let go of his hand. Adam felt deliriously happy about the whole thing._ **

**_That night they went back to Tom’s place and packed up some stuff before heading over to Adam’s place to settle in and start merging their lives together. Adam had never been happier._ **

**_Usually when Adam feel that happy for a long period it gets ruined by his demons. He should have known this time wouldn’t be an exception and a couple of weeks later it happened._ **

**_It had been a good day, a great day even, but as it always did the demons came a bit out of nowhere. There wasn’t always a trigger. Tom had plans, really important dinner plans with the cast of his new film, but Adam found it almost paralyzingly sad that Tom was going out._ **

**_His low mood and sadness aside, he wasn’t going to do something stupid now. Not when he had been so good. No.. He would be fine. He could read or write and maybe go to bed early. He would hate for Tom to stay home and miss something so important because of him.. because of this darkness that swallowed him up sometimes. It was his own crap to deal with._ **

**_“I’ll stay.” Adam looked up from his spot on the couch, curled up in his soft, black robe. He had intended to read and leave Tom to get ready but he had actually just stared off into space for several minutes._ **

**_“What? No.. Tom, please. I’m fine, really.” He put the book down, trying to smile but it came off as more of a sneer and he sighed, wringing his hands. Tom sat on the couch with Adam, taking his hand in his gently. He could see the immense worry shining in his eyes._ **

**_“You’re not and I’m not leaving you alone like this.” Adam shook his head, squeezing Tom’s hand a bit._ **

**_“You have to go to this dinner, Tom. You told me yourself how important it was. You..” He was going to keep arguing but Tom interrupted him with a hand over his mouth as he moved closer, shaking his head._ **

**_“No.. Forget it, okay. I’m not leaving you.” Adam just shook his head, removing his hand from his mouth, lacing their fingers together._ **

**_“I’m fine, Tom. I’m not going to do anything stupid.” He assured the actor but Tom seemed to have already made up his mind about this._ **

**_“I know that but.. I’m still not leaving.” Tom was tilting his head, his thumb stroking Adam’s fingers and it made Adam tear up a little. He didn’t deserve this.. did he?_ **

**_“It’s a really important dinner..” He tried but he was too mentally exhausted to smile or pretend that he was okay or try to be enthusiastic about the dinner Tom really had to go to._ **

**_“No, Adam, you’re important.” This shut Adam up for a moment and he sighed lightly, biting his lip. He had trouble believing those words tonight but looking into Tom’s eyes he knew that Tom believed it even if it wasn’t true. What did he do to deserve someone looking at him like that? With so much love._ **

**_“Are you sure?” He asked Tom and the actor just answered with a kiss at first, stroking his cheek._ **

**_“I’m sure.” Adam moved closer, wrapping his arms around Tom and resting against his chest. He felt so exhausted, so emotionally drained, all of a sudden. He didn’t want to eat, he didn’t want to do anything that usually made him feel better. But he did want to curl up in Tom’s arms so that’s exactly what he did. Tom simply wrapped his arms around him without a question and rubbed his fingers along the extremely soft robe he was wearing, holding him close._ **

**_“Will they be angry you’re not going?” Adam asked after a while and Tom chuckled softly, kissing the side of his head._ **

**_“I doubt it. I’ll make something up. It’s fine, darling, okay?” Adam sighed softly, resting against Tom and closing his eyes. He settled for nodding, drawing in Tom’s scent and trying to focus on every good feeling he could think of at the moment. It wasn’t going great._ **

**_“Can we go to bed? I want to read.. Reading helps..” Tom kissed his head and they untangled after a moment and Tom stood up, pulling him up as well. “Of course.” Then they headed into the bedroom and Adam crawled into bed, still wearing his clothes and robe, curling up with the blankets. He closed his eyes, shutting everything out, until he felt the bed dip and Tom’s fingers brushing through his hair. He just kind of hummed, already having his back to Tom._ **

**_“What happened to reading, love?” Tom asked, his fingers still running through his hair. Adam hummed again, rolling slightly onto his back so he could look up at Tom._ **

**_“I’m tired.” Tom tilted his head again, his eyes going soft. “Honey, it’s only 8pm. You can’t sleep now.” Adam just turned over, burying his head in the pillow, but Tom was quick to grab his shoulder and turning him back so Adam had to look at him. “I know you’re tired Adam. Just.. Listen to me. You can’t let it win, okay?” Adam opened his eyes at that, looking into Tom’s. “Let what win?” He was surprised at how small and tired his voice sounded._ **

**_“The darkness..” Tom said after a while and Adam bit his lip. He was letting the darkness win, wasn’t he? Adam pulled himself up a bit so he could sit up, moving one hand out of the blankets so he could take Tom’s hand. “You’re right.. I just don’t know what to do. I just.. want to sleep.” Tom gripped his hand like a lifeline, pulling him a bit closer. Tom’s other hand was gently stroking his cheek and it made him smile a tiny smile up at him._ **

**_“Let’s take a walk. You like taking a walk when it’s dark and it will make you feel better. We could walk down to the water.” Adam considered this for a moment, moving a bit closer so he could rest his head in Tom’s lap and wrap his arms around his waist. “Can I wear my robe?” He heard Tom chuckle and those familiar fingers were back in his hair. It made him smile which really surprised him in his current state. “Maybe not, darling. But you can wear my cozy hoodie.” Tom offered instead and he hummed and nuzzled into his stomach before pulling himself up into a sitting position, looking at Tom. “Okay.” The look he got from Tom alone was worth the effort and he stole a quick kiss. “Okay? Really?” Adam just nodded and it earned him Tom’s sweetest smile before the actor got up and got his hoodie from the dresser. Adam took off his robe and gratefully put on the hoodie that smelled just like Tom. It helped._ **

**_It had recently gotten dark once they got outside, the fresh air filling Adam’s lungs and washing over his face. It was refreshing and really perked him up. They walked down the street together and Adam moved close, taking Tom’s hand in his with a soft sigh. All the lights were on now along the streets and they took the turn, right after their favourite coffee shop, down towards the water. The city was beautiful with a clear sky and the many lights lining the streets and the buildings._ **

**_“It’s so beautiful.” Adam mumbled softly with a quiet sigh, linking their arms to keep Tom as close as possible. Autumn was approaching but for now the air was just fresh, not cold. Tom’s hoodie was just enough to keep Adam warm and cozy as they walked side by side, getting closer to the water. “It really is. I love when you can see the stars.” That made Adam smile again and they looked up at the sky together. He was actually feeling better, genuinely smiling. Tom had that effect on him._ **

**_They reached the water together and Adam leaned against the railing, drawing in a deep breath, looking out over the water. The night was calm and the bridge was practically empty of people.. It was calming. “Thank you.. for getting me to go out.” He spoke up after a while and he felt Tom move closer, a hand resting on the small of his back. He could feel Tom watching him but he kept his eyes focused on the still water, lights reflecting all over the surface._ **

**_“Of course, I know it helps. I know you well enough by now.” This made Adam smile again and he turned his head to look at Tom in the dark, taking his hand which was resting on the railing, lacing their fingers together. The moonlight and all the streetlights was reflected in Tom’s eyes, making them look almost hazel. “You really do. Sometimes I forget how well.” They spent a moment just holding their gaze, Adam’s thumb stroking over Tom’s knuckles._ **

**_In this moment, late at night on this bridge, with Tom right next to him. The whole world melted away and it was just him and Tom and finally he was able to start talking, start explaining. He forgot how good it felt to talk to Tom._ **

It broke his heart, shattered it, to see Adam like that. It was amazing that he managed to remain calm and cheerful considering ‘worried’ was an understatement for how he felt. He just stood there, watching Adam look out over the horizon as he talked, his eyes sad and tired. He had learned many months ago, that Adam found it easier to talk about serious matters when not keeping their eye contact but this didn’t stop Tom from looking at him.

Adam talked about how he felt, assured Tom that he wasn’t unhappy in any way, and talked about how he just couldn’t control it. All of this, Tom already knew, but what made him really sad was how Adam spoke of being scared of his own mind, unable to control the mood switch. Tom moved closer, arm around Adam’s waist, squeezing Adam’s fingers from their spot on the railing.

“I love you.”

That earned him a ghost of a smile from Adam and this time it actually reached his eyes, making them sparkle a bit as they reflected the city lights. Adam leaned into his embrace after that and Tom felt himself relax a bit at that. Yes, he had seen Adam on worse days, crying and screaming, but for some reason this solemn melancholy mood felt scarier. He didn’t know quite how to help Adam in this mindset. All he could really do was be there for Adam, not leaving him alone, and assure him that he was loved. Oh God, was he loved.

Tom moved closer, pressing a kiss to Adam’s temple before they both looked out over the water together, holding each other close. This he could do. He could be there for him. That was all he could do right now. It was enough. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'd love a quick comment to know what you thought and don't hesitate to leave kudos. I've worked hard on this and it means the world to me that you took the time to read this so thank you again and take care xx


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